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well i've started my phased return to work. few half days and a full day tomorrow. bit tired after work but nothing major. still having problems with constipation which wears me down but i cant really complain. my biggest fear is the unknown. i was visited a few times in hospital from a pal ronnie who had just had an op for bladder cancer. he was doing well and looked great. fast forward 6 weeks and he is now in a hospice with the cancer spread thru his bones. he can bearly talk and this big lump...
It all come to a head yesterday, I just wanted to get everything off my chest, maybe I am tied but it came I admitted to Tim that I am bloody scared, I might still laughing and joking at work or with friends, but I let this horrible feeling surfaced. I was thinking what if ....... I call this the dark side I got 3 children aged 4, 14, 16 a wonderful partner of 3 years whom has a 13 son, my family won't except him, so I am natural worried what will happen to them. I am worried I like to be in...
For each and every one of you,
Imagine I'm there in front of you,
With arms wide open just for you.
Imagine I move nearer to you,
One step closer, and then two.
Imagine I'm there, touching you,
My arms completely around you.
Can you feel me hugging you,
All my love surrounding you.
(((((((((((((((XXXXXX)))))))))))))
I want my Mum
I so want my mum right now to give me that big cuddle and tell me everything will be ok. (55yr old sobbing mess).
Its not a good blog Im afraid and wont be offended if you dont read it.
Its 3.30am and I cant sleep, cant stop crying either so god knows how the spelling is going. Never been hot on that anyway. Cant get spell check to work either grrrrrrrrr
I have read so many horrendous journeys on here and feel at times that I am intruding as I think in spite of Daves troubles we...
Evening All,
5 reasons why it has been one of those days..... had a lot worse of course, and it's all rather trivial in the great scheme of things....but just one of those days....
1. solicitor phoned- no news of moving date, still waiting for some bit of paper or other.. were meant to be moving Wed.. looks like next week now and still can't even book a removal firm or do anything at all as still dont know the date aarrgghh!
2. cat decided to join me in the 'I've got an unexplained lump...
Blood transfusion number 3 :/ Been feeling sleepy for last couple o weeks and have been taking naps throughout the day which have gradually been getting longer as the days go by. I honestly thought i had just been doing too much and was needing to rest.
Yesterday i began to worry and think something was wrong i spent the entire day in bed got up for a bite to eat and had to go straight back to bed i was tottally exhausted. So this morning when my district nurse arrived to provide my hickman line...
So we found out that David hasn't got cancer anywhere else just in his head.
And I was right that they (the oncologists) thought the brain cancer had gone following the radiotherapy.
So apart from the detection of these blood clots on David's lungs the CT scan was essentially a waste of time. Apparently cancer patients are at high risk of blood clots in lungs according to research I did on the internet. Not that every one with cancer will get them, or that every one with blood clots will get cancer...
I didn't cry today. It was a full house at the Crematorium and there were lots of tears when "Time to say goodbye" (Brightman & Bocelli) played to her entry. But I didn't cry. I cried when I read replies to my last post because I know you understand. Unless you have direct experience with Cancer - you never know what goes on behind closed doors and to some extent I resented the tears that people shed.
We left the Crem to "Always look on the bright side of life" It certainly...
I have a huge, mega phobia about anything to do with hospitals. I have surprised myself by having surgery, 30 goes of chemo and a port a cath fitted. The surgery worked, none of the chemos (4 different drugs) worked so my stage 4 cancer is progressing. My port a cath didn't work either so I have depended on one little vein which has now given up. After a traumatic digging around I couldn't have my treatment last week so they tried to put a PICC line in but I was so terrified I couldn't stop shaking...
