Julie would have been 53 today.
It should have been the 36th time I was to say Happy Birthday Darling.
To take my mind off the day I spent the weekend with my sister and her Partner in a cottage in Wales. My mind was diverted and the day has passed without major trauma.
Leon collected Julie's mum and took 5kg of ashes to spread over her fathers grave. Mum is now happy that Julie is at rest on Holy ground and in…
It don't seem any easier yet. That tense tonight I had a glass of wine to try and relax. I won't make a habit of drinking, its just there was a glass left from the weekend before last, when some friends were round.
I talk to Julies photo.
I miss her.
I feel lonely in the company of friends.
My life does not have any purpose.
tonight I have been crying for the last 2 hours and can't stop. I'll never hear her voice again or hold her hand, smell her or feel her warmth.
tonight I feel lower than I thought possible
I collected her ashes today and settled the bill at the same time. She is now in the Conservatory, facing the garden she loved, while I have spent the evening getting all her clothing ready to take to the LOROS shop in the morning. She wanted her ashes in 3 places, some in her garden, some on her fathers grave and some on her favourite hillside outside Urbino in Italy - where her family come from and where she still has…
I didn't cry today. It was a full house at the Crematorium and there were lots of tears when "Time to say goodbye" (Brightman & Bocelli) played to her entry. But I didn't cry. I cried when I read replies to my last post because I know you understand. Unless you have direct experience with Cancer - you never know what goes on behind closed doors and to some extent I resented the tears that people shed…
