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It was been a sad week, my dear French neighbour, Marie, died. She had Parkinson’s disease and had been a light in my life for 20 years. What do I regret? Not buying her a top from M&S -I meant to, it would have made her smile! I regret not phoning more when we were in England and not liking her sausage and cheese cake (a family joke). I reckon she'd laugh to be on my Facebook feed!
Also my friends Amanda and Anne had birthdays, but they are no longer with us either -cancer, the big...
My wife was diagnosed in August 2015 having had Autoimmune Hepatitis for some years. Two bouts of chemo did not agree with her at all and they haven't given her any more treatment since. They tried Sorafenib but that also had an adverse effect. Her liver cancer has been stable for over a year, but the lung cancer was shown as slightly bigger on the last CT scan, although it's still small.
The biggest problem living day-to-day is fear of infection (she is 'very' prone to UTI's which turn...
Saturday 3rd December.
Last night I went to bed and thought, maybe it would be nice to listen to one of my playlists on the phone, what a bad idea that was. I realised that for a whole month I hadn't played even one solitary song. I usually have my music on in the car, when I'm cooking, if the radio isn't on, my playlist is playing away.
I cried and cried into the pillow, I just couldn't play anything, it all sounded wrong, I was annoyed at myself for crying, my husband...
Friday 2nd December
Its been a month since the bombshell news. I thought about it at 9.20am, this morning right through until 10.50am, which was the time I walked out of the hospital that awful, awful morning.
Looking back now, I think I knew, when they asked me to have a mammogram before seeing the consultant, I thought, 'this is not quite right.' I text my daughter who was waiting for me in the cafe, she told me later that she felt the same. I remember looking at my face in the mirror...
Ned had a good day today, which means I had a good day today :)
He had a visit from his manager and he brought Ned lots of gifts, which was really touching. He hasn't worked there very long but they still took the time to do that for him. They got him a Star Wars jigsaw that I intend to do together when he gets home, and lots of vouchers.
This evening my mum and dad visited and brought Ned a happy meal (he had been craving McDonalds), which was really nice of them. My mum had also bought me some...
I hope it works this time, I don't know why it didn't work earlier. Had gastroscopy done yesterday heard and felt wind breaking as endoscope went down. Gullet dilated to 18mm I wonder just how narrow it was before It was done. Eating better today and hope it continues
Thursday 1st December
Today has been better, I got a bit more sleep last night. I got up to the start of the most beautiful sunrise over the mountains so I just sat and watched the sun come up. I felt calm.
I'm still having plenty of moments of terrible fear, what if's, and any little niggle and I'm thinking it's spread, I still just can't believe that the scans were clear, I'm not the luckiest person, so I always expect a knock back. I must keep telling myself that the oncologist...
This is a loooong one.. I won't blame anyone for not reading it all. It was just therapeutic getting it all out.
I thought once the treatment was underway, we were going to find our way into a routine and things would perhaps settle down a little bit. I'm not sure if we have been unusual or if I was just hopelessly naive,
After my last post, things went south super fast. Ned woke on Saturday evening about 21:30 and, just like the weekend before, was throwing up terribly. Just like last time...
I had my first experience of how watching loved ones fighting cancer and going through treatment affects people emotions and perspectives.
Her mum is obviously not coping at the moment and went from a woman and mother into a teenager having a screaming tantrum.
I completely understand how something so small triggered such raw emotions but on the flip side I was so cross to see how her mum had upset her so much with the hurtful words that were said.
I went straight to the hospital after...
Wednesday 30th November. It's been a strange day, emotionally up and down like a yo yo. I didn't get enough sleep again, so I thought I'd bite the bullet and ask for some sleeping tablets from the GP. The chemotherapy nurse at the hospital said they should give them to me, and they have kindly put some aside, I am hoping that some more sleep will help me feel more energetic. If not it's a few hours less of worry while I'm asleep. Nothing much to report today, I'm doing the blog early as I am going...
