Sunday 8th January,
Today I became a nana, what a day! Everything people said is true, I have fallen in love with this little boy and I haven't even met him yet. I have had photos, videos, FaceTime phone calls on and off all day, at first it was hard seeing him and not being able to touch him or smell him, but after a while I just couldn't get enough.
I was so worried because when I had my daughters I had terrible births, haemorrhaging and many problems, so it's been a stressful time not being able to be there with her, her partner has no family close by either, so it was just the two of them, but every thing went so so well, she gave birth to a whopper of a baby, 9lb 7oz! No stitches, no problems and it was quite quick too. I cannot describe the relief I feel that it went so well. I felt relaxed today for the first time in a long time. I think it's been worrying me more than I realised. The little boy has so much hair he needs a haircut already!
So that was my day, filled with positivity and excitement, it was so lovely, we went for a nice long dog walk and when I got back there was a message from the doctors on the answer phone for me, I immediately went into a panic wondering why they would phone on a Sunday, but it was just the district nurse asking me to confirm that I would be at home for the blood test in the morning. Panic over, but I need to curb this panic that comes over me when these little things happen, I always assume that something bad is going to happen, I never used to be like this. I was a very logical person, and wouldn't worry unless there was a valid reason. Now look at me. If there's nothing to worry about I almost go looking for a reason to worry, it's very tiring and I need stop it and put my logical hat back on.
It was lovely talking to my dad today, he was over the moon about being a great grandfather, my brother is taking photos I've sent for him to see tomorrow, but I think there's a good chance he will have forgotten by the morning, but at that moment in time when I was telling him he was so full of joy, it was heartwarming, I just wished my mum could've been here today to share in all of it. I missed her a lot today.
So tomorrow morning is the blood test and I've decided to start the logical thoughts and not to worry about it, because that won't change a thing, I will drink lots of water, make sure my arm is warm and hope my veins behave and then I will keep my fingers crossed that there are enough white cells floating around so that I can have the chemo on Tuesday. Then is a trip to see my grandson straight afterwards.
Stop this ride...I want to get off!!!
