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Hello, I am Joe. I am 17 years old and was 16 when I lost my mum to cancer after her long battle. This is my first time ever writing about my experience and my relationship with my mum so I am a little nervous and may be quite upset whilst writing this. I feel I want to share my emotions as I’m not a very open person with dealing with my loss. I hope this can help me.
Me and my mum were so well connected as she was my best friend as well. I’ve always had a really special connection with...
The hardest thing to deal with since losing mum is getting used to her not being there. I'm used to the smell of cooking when I walk in the house. Now there's no cooking smell, just silence and the silence is louder than when the house was full of people. Her deterioration was rapid and left some terrible memories but so far getting used to my mum never being there again as a physical presence is the hardest thing of all to deal with. I think to myself you were there when mum left us, you must...
So... Yesterday C had his 2nd Oxaliplatin. Responses and reactions were more intense. 10 mins from the end of the bag his throat closed up. Caused by a small sip of water from the machine. Nurses are lovely but as a known side effect no warm water was available. Fortunately a coffee machine was working in the corridor.
Anyway, that blip aside treatment finished after about 5 hours.
The PICC line that he had put in after the first treatment has been a godsend. Has used no pain relief for 10 days...
The last two days have been really horrible. Mam has been unresponsive since the early hours of yesterday morning. Everyone has been to see her in the hope that it will help her go. She is still hanging on. She hasn't eaten or drunk in this time. Everyone is still talking to her and holding her hand, but I can't. It brakes my heart watching her struggle to breath. I want to be like everyone else but I just can't bring myself to do it. I hope she knows how much I love her.
Up until yesterday...
Well my bladder problem aside I am feeling pretty goooooood at the moment so am looking forward to Easter, which is funny because there was a time I didn't think I would get to see the London Olympics! :)
Now I have a scan on the 2nd and consultation and preliminary results on the 5th April so everything crossed for that, but in the meantime life goes on.
Am hoping to go for a couple of meals over Easter and visit some friends and relatives, no chocolate for me though but I don't mind you see...
I am going to do a blog post on our Wedding day very soon - but I want to write that when I have more time and I can properly reflect on the amazing day that it was. My Dad did AMAZING....he was SO proud and he did us ALL proud...it was the bestest day of my life xxx
Since the Wedding I have struggled a lot. Leading up to the Wedding I had so much to plan & was looking forward to it SO much that it really helped..not just me but everyone else too...especially Dad. Now...I just feel...
Well here I am living with incurable cancer this is so surreal yet so real! I only had the panic attacks and total fear for about two weeks after being told, I suppose you could say I was lucky in that respect. I woke up one morning two weeks after being told and the panic had gone, I was at peace, don't know how it happened but it did. I was now on a mission to fight this disease and to live my life like I should have been living it for that last 50 years!
I have researched how I can help...
Right up the moment he died, I still held out hope that he would come round and beat the cancer.....and then he went, surrounded by our children and three of our grandchildren and I was holding his hand.
What to do now.... not in practical terms, but how do I begin to believe it and function on any level. The pain is raw, I am getting worse, bursting into tears the minute I wake from a drug induced sleep, following myself around the house, forgetting what I am supposed to be doing.
My family are...
Well so far, my 78 year old dad has been diagnosed with secondary lung cancer. not sure where its coming from but no ones dealing with it. Hes been for his first chemo today, which got postponed as he had tonsilitis last week.
He's been to a nutritionist for help to make him "fit". this word "fit" seems to be all the doctors are saying to him. but then he cant bruise, cant bleed, and his mind that seems to mean "i cant cant cant cant do anything". its so frustrating. ...
