The hardest thing to deal with since losing mum is getting used to her not being there. I'm used to the smell of cooking when I walk in the house. Now there's no cooking smell, just silence and the silence is louder than when the house was full of people. Her deterioration was rapid and left some terrible memories but so far getting used to my mum never being there again as a physical presence is the hardest thing of all to deal with. I think to myself you were there when mum left us, you must know and then it sweeps all over me again when I walk into another empty room. So far getting used to that is the hardest thing to deal with.
