Not long to wait until I can take the metacloperide. I am sitting kind of comfy, unless I cough, given COPD, Covid damage to lungs and the cancer, a cough is part of the course.
I have a history of depression, it can get severe. Since I moved to Scotland seven and half years ago this has been so much better, while it requires management I have been off meds for the last four years. My longest stretch by miles for a couple of decades. The anti-depressant I take is one that knocks me out at night and leaves me groggy first thing. Given the fatigue of long covid and the chemo fatigue this is not what I want. I will take them in a heartbeat rather than risk an episode. It is something I am really scared off.
It has been an emotional time, the wait for scan results and the big relief. Then straight into Chemo. I am not best placed to be dealing with other things. Our elderly cat has caused concern, shuffling around on his one back leg. It wasn't a stroke or anything, phew, but he has hurt himself. The steroid shot he has had has worked so well our biggest worry now is that he is going to do himself a mischief when he is on his zoomies. It's a long acting one so he will be feeling good for a while, makes us happy.
I was getting back to eating and was side swiped by a bout of awful reflux so that felt a backward step. My new card still hasn't come. My arms still hurt. Next week I have some paperwork and phone appointments. One of which involves chasing people up for things that should be done and organised by them, it's draining.
I have been putting a lot of thought into what is normative responses, what's heightened and what could be early symptoms of depression.
Feeling a bit more tearful and fretful a normative response but more heightened. I am over reacting to some things like every time the bank texted me my heart would lurch, I have toned that down. My oil has come and I feel more settled now.
My emotional state, I am at a low ebb, my mood is sometimes low. I am more tired because of that. I don't feel as good as I hoped for now. I am not though emotionally blunted a definite symptom 'just' tired. Still I am vulnerable for a depression sneak in, well ,I have my eye on it and a strategy.
I don't really know what the options may be now regarding meds. If it is my usual best to go in early it means a lower start dose. I am going to talk to the GP about it on Monday. At the moment I don't feel that I need meds but need a plan for them and where I am to be on record.
It feels good to have been able to find clarity on where I am. To be able to articulate it is really important ,as is having a plan for dealing with it.
The beginning of next week has some stressful stuff but the end of it is a 'look forward to point 'as I am going to stay with the kids and grand kid.
I am looking forward to later this morning. I am fit enough to get in the car, we live near the coast, so going to the beach, reflux under control but have to be careful. I am though going to be able to have a small cup of flask coffee, watching the birds, getting the cobwebs blown away, with my dear Jeff.
That I can engage with nature is key for me, once I start to lose that then that is emotional blunting not low mood. It's a really bad sign.
I have had my 4am meds and they have kicked in. All is on track for a lovely Sunday morning.
I can also see how this blog could be helpful to me. I am also starting to find my way around the site and am less worried about mashing buttons wrongly always a plus.
I hope you have a good day for you.
