Right up the moment he died, I still held out hope that he would come round and beat the cancer.....and then he went, surrounded by our children and three of our grandchildren and I was holding his hand.
What to do now.... not in practical terms, but how do I begin to believe it and function on any level. The pain is raw, I am getting worse, bursting into tears the minute I wake from a drug induced sleep, following myself around the house, forgetting what I am supposed to be doing.
My family are with me all the time, and I am scared to be on my own, as my grief overwhelms me, it goes so deep into my body, even my teeth are painful...
He fought so very hard over the past two years, he carried on working until 12 February, so very brave and so courageous, his example had us all breathless with wonder.
Now the tributes are pouring in from all over the world, cards and flowers arriving daily, support from friends amazing......but I just want him back. I sleep with his pillow next to me, so I can smell him, I cuddle it, and I groan and moan with pain.
Even as I write this the tears are pouring down my face............ I miss him so much. Love you my darling man.
