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Somrtimes I feel..........
LONELY........ In a room full of people!
SAD........... when everyone around me is happy!
SCARED........ that things will never be good again!
WORRIED........ that this is as good as it gets!
FRUSTRATED...... because no one is listening to me!
ANNOYED.......... because no one understands!
HAPPY........... that I am still here!
APPRECIATIVE...... of the friends I have made!
ANGRY.......... for the life I have lost!
GRATEFUL.........for the future I still have!
TIRED.......
I am 46 years old and my world was been turned upside down.
I found a lump on the right side of my neck, now this lump had appeared back in May 2017 for about 2 weeks but disappeared as quick as it came. Therefore I left it and typically ignored it. So NOW this lump is back........I waited two weeks it didn't go, attended GP's advised to have antibiotics for one week if still there to come back at get referred for ultrasound.
Well I’ve been awake for an hour after only two hours sleep so decided to have a little blog session and what a lovely surprise I got when I read the lovely comments under my last blog post, it appears that I’m not the only one who feels the way I do. Thank you lovely ladies for your kind words they meant a lot, they really did.
I’ve had a very trying couple of days BUT I did have a heart to heart with my husband and told him exactly how I’ve been struggling trying carry on as I was before and...
i have just had my salivary gland removed as i had a stage 2 mucoepidermoid tumour growing inside of it. I have lost all use of the left side of my face which i am confident will return. I have been advised to have 6 weeks of Radiotherapy as a precaution incase of any lingering cells but im not too keen on RT to be honest. I think it may do more damage than good if all is already clear anyway??I think i am willing to be more reliant on herbal remedies and changing my diet to an alkaline one. Can...
I am so tired and sick of having cancer!
For the first time in 6 months I'm having a very large glass of wine. I'm hoping that I will sleep tonight, not sleeping is having my life.
I get tired and go to bed, but then as soon as I calm down all I can do is think of all things cancer. Then I can't get my neck comfy because of all the surgery.
Please keep saying to must feel great that they think they got all the cancer well it doesn't. I still have radiotherapy and...
I didn’t expect that!
Been in hospital nearly 5 weeks following the bowel pain I had turn into a perforated bowel, 4 operations to control, leaving me with a delightful vertical scar of about 6 inches either side of navel.
Apparently I hallucinated through the 11 days in ICU. And bored and dehydrated through the remainder of hospital - many days and nights on saline drips.
Released yesterday with quantities of drugs: loperamide (control stoma output) codiene, dioralyte, rivarixiban...
Well, I’m here again. I find myself wide awake after three hours sleep and decided to go back to my faithful old blog. The one where I poured my heart out.
I still can’t read it back but this blog gave me some sort of release when I was diagnosed, when I couldn’t talk to my family, when I didn’t want to upset them, so I am back because although I didn’t want to carry on with my blog when my treatment finished I’ve realised that I still need somewhere to write down my feelings, somewhere...
It might not come as a surprise ( partly because I am starting a blog at 00:30) that sleep is not my friend. Sleep hates me. My brain is filled with cancer words buzzing around my head, I can't stop them. So here's the start of my story so far....
Well that's it really. For the last few years I have been on one long guilt trip! Always feeling guilty about what I am thinking or how I am feeling, but why? More importantly am I the only one who feels like this. Well no I am not as I have spoken to people online and in the real world and the whole guilt thing seems to be something that so many of us go through!
Now how do I explain this, well of course I will do it in the long winded way that I talk about everything! Why use 5 words when you...
I said at the end of the last entry that I hoped I wouldn’t have to update my blog as I’d come to the end of my treatment, but I just wanted to pop a quick note on the end, just to say that a year on since the start of treatment I just had my first mammogram and ultrasound since the operation in April and everything was fine. I am obviously over the moon and very very thankful.
A year ago I didn’t know in what direction my life was going. In a way I still don’t, but one thing I’ve learned...
