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Last Friday was so hard and emtional. Grandma's funeral was moving. Dad did a speech, he kept it together and made us smile and cry. When the hearse came to my Aunt's house, I lost it. I was crying before I got into the other car. Mum and my Aunt Joan (one of Grandma's sisters) held my hands. Bless them both for being so caring towards me when everyone was in bits. The service was lovely, so warm and loving. All I remember was my Brother holding my hand during it and he was trying not to cry...
Starting to feel a bit apprehensive now and the realisation that I am having chemo tomorrow because the cancer is back is beginning to kick in.
Not sure if I can go on the trial yet due to protein in my urine. Always runs with protein in due to urostomy but trial criteria is strict and won't find out until tomorrow if they will allow it. One of the side effects of the trial drug can be protein in your urine. The lovely trial CNS is fighting my corner so we will just have to wait and see. No certainty...
Thursday 24th May
Well I have been off work for 10 weeks after having surgery and have just completed my second session of chemo so I know reasonably well what to expect in the way of side effects. I have been predicting feeling sick all week and tired towards the end of this week prior to picking up again over the weekend. With this in mind and the likelihood that I will feel even worse towards the end of my 12 sessions due to the build up toxins, it makes sense that if I'm going back to work then I...
She had been in a lot of pain Thursday and Friday and I couldn't even change her on Friday night. She was shouting "hello - who is there?" which wasn't something she usually did. Then she asked "what are those gold things hanging down"? She was staring into space a lot as though she was watching something. Then she said she was tired so I took her glasses off and turned off the lamp and she died shortly after.
No-one expected her to go quite yet but I'm kind...
Hot night last night with loads of tossing and turning in bed resulted in me making my like bleed:((
Was expecting district nurse to train dressing anyway but got her to come early and then she sent me to hospital again:((
Had to have the vent taken off so it could have a good clean up and all seems to be working well so ok again, had a quite afternoon on the sofa to give it time to settle down again, so far most of my problems have been with the line and dressing and not the chemo
Well first chemo was Monday so far I have just been feeling a bit queezy in the evenings and im not finding it very easy to get to sleep at night, dont know if its the steriods in the anti sickness or the fact that we have so much on our minds or the fact that my husband has banned me goign to work this week so im just taking it easy and not doing alot.
Have a different dressing on my line now which seems ok.
The cold cap was fine only really could for a couple of minuites then felt like having...
Afternoon all,
I hope you are enjoying the sun, its so lovely to see some nice weather at long last.
Its been a rollercoaster journey this week all very busy.
Went back to work on Monday, which wasnt at all as bad as i thought, in fact its quite nice to be back and regain some normallity.
Ive come accross the i want to know everything as well as the i dont want to know anything.
Thankfully there was no sympathy looks which I am so hapy about.
Although only back on mornings this week...
Mum didn't really want a hospital type bed but the district nurse came today and the pressure sores aren't improving so we have to have one, anything to try and improve the sores. Not sure if its arriving tomorrow or the day after but busy making space for it.
Feel a bit brighter, the GP said yesterday he "didn't have the feeling she was going to die just yet" when I asked him. He's really concerned about her weight loss but we can't get her to eat and she just has Fortisip. He gave...
This Friday is Grandma's funeral. It's been a long 2 weeks. Now I am not going to the crematrium, I can't face it and my goodbye will be at her funeral. My Dad is understanding about this but my Aunt called me a coward. I was taken back by her words. She also added both her children are going and so will my brother, which I understand, but I dont want to go. I can't understand why she can't see this and not understand my feelings.
Today she and my cousin Hannah went to see Grandma...
