Last Friday was so hard and emtional. Grandma's funeral was moving. Dad did a speech, he kept it together and made us smile and cry. When the hearse came to my Aunt's house, I lost it. I was crying before I got into the other car. Mum and my Aunt Joan (one of Grandma's sisters) held my hands. Bless them both for being so caring towards me when everyone was in bits. The service was lovely, so warm and loving. All I remember was my Brother holding my hand during it and he was trying not to cry.
I didn't go to the crematorium. I found the funeral too much for me. My Brother's girlfriend, Treacle, came to the pub for the wake. We talked and talked, it helped me so much. She is a diamond. I know the crematorium was more moving for the family, the final goodbye. I said my goodbye while looking at her coffin, it looked so small. I couldnt believe she was lying in there. My Brother and other's understood my reasons for not going to the crematorium. Simon went on mine and Treacle's behallf.
Soon we can place her ashes with her husbands, which I am going too. I feel I can go along to that and be a part of her joining Bampy forever.
I feel at ease now. I understand grief will be around for a long time yet, I still cry and feel so hurt that cancer took her life. She was amazing.
Also we raised £90 for local hospice here in Cardiff. We are taking the cash to them in the week. They do wonderful work and should get all the help in the world. I might get into training for a cancer run next year, raise more cash.
