Afternoon all,
I hope you are enjoying the sun, its so lovely to see some nice weather at long last.
Its been a rollercoaster journey this week all very busy.
Went back to work on Monday, which wasnt at all as bad as i thought, in fact its quite nice to be back and regain some normallity.
Ive come accross the i want to know everything as well as the i dont want to know anything.
Thankfully there was no sympathy looks which I am so hapy about.
Although only back on mornings this week, i was shattered by Monday night and retreated early.
I was off today as I went for the endoscopy. I decided on being brave and went for the throat spray.
I can honestly say I know why people are sedated. It was horrid, probably not the worst thing ive ever had to endure but certainly not pleasant. Would i have the throat spray again, or sedation. I would probably still go with the throat spray.
Your probably wondering why when ive just said it was horrid. Well the reason being i walked out after 5 minutes while everyone else had to stay.
Unfortunatly wasnt the best result as they did find a spore of some sort on the entrance to my gullet, but the doctor said if it wasnt for my history he wouldnt worry about it, but sent off for biospies just in case.
Now i know these doctors say not to worry, but while laid there and someone else came in, i heard him saying things like more complicated than i thought etc............Im laid thinking holy smoke this aint good. As for not worrying, does anybody not worry, of course im gonna come home and bloody worry. I wanted you to tell me you found nothing!
Anyhow, i asked if that could be the issue with the pain under my rib to which he said no, and it probably is something like gallstones, but wait until treatment ends then get that sorted.
So i come away thinking crap! this aint good, they have found something, now i am telling myself in the same breath that he said if it wasnt for my history he wouldn't be concerned, but thats just it. I have cancer that was found in the ovary suspected from the gut, scan shown nothing, but now this has been found my my gut. OF COURSE IM GOING TO WORRY! ARGH!
So i leave there pretty proud of myself for managing it without sedation but can't help that little niggle thats just gonna worry me more and more until the results come back.
Went and did a bit of shopping, and honestly i can hope its from have the endoscopy done and having gas pumped into me, but crikey i bottom burped loudly right round that shop! ooops! Other half walked away in shame, and honestly by the end of it i couldnt help but giggle about it! .
Get home, shopping away, and off to check my poorly tonsil. Now the pain in my mouth has virtually gone, but my tonsil is still swollen, upon checking notice he has also taken a biopsy of this. OH crap. Im panicking even more now. I know hes just being thorough, but I had stopped owrrying about that and put it down to some sort of infection :(
So to round up! its been a good week, but crap day today argh!
Lots of worrying no doubt to come up, and then chemo to contend with as well. I think im about ready to scream.
I am supposed to be away this weekend for my best friends hen weekend, which honestly i didnt think i was going to make depending upon treatment. I had in my mind that i was going to have a good time, put all this behind me for a few days, but with this, i just don't know if i can. Think im going to have to find my even braver head and smile as much as possible as im determined to be there and not be miserable.
Ill update once the results are known!
x
