This Friday is Grandma's funeral. It's been a long 2 weeks. Now I am not going to the crematrium, I can't face it and my goodbye will be at her funeral. My Dad is understanding about this but my Aunt called me a coward. I was taken back by her words. She also added both her children are going and so will my brother, which I understand, but I dont want to go. I can't understand why she can't see this and not understand my feelings.
Today she and my cousin Hannah went to see Grandma, she looked peaceful. They keep asking me to go along and see her. I dont want that. I saw her suffer for 4 weeks and I feel her soul is gone now, it's just her body. I feel like I am being forced into these things. I can't and won't do it. I am right or wrong. Is this normal or strange?
I didn't see my Bampy or Nana after they died, maybe because I was only 11 when Bampy died and 17 when Nana died. I understood death then and now. I know they are all in a better place and it''s just their bodies now. Knowing Grandma looked peaceful is lovely, all pain free and back with Bampy. I can't do it.
I am a coward? Any thoughts would be good right now.....
