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I have undergone breast surgery and reconstruction, together with lymph node removal. A small tumor was found in one of the lymph nodes and some smaller abnormal cells, but they have said that they feel they have removed everything and my margins are quite clear. The lump in my breast was 36mm. They have said that there is no sign of vascular invasion, however the cancer was a stage 2.
I am waiting for an appointment to discuss chemotherapy treatment with the oncologist. My surgeon put a question...
Well I'm back a little later than planned. I have been off on an unexpected long musical journey of discovery!
I got into conversation with someone who calls themselves a true music fan. They unfortunately were also aware of my few moments of madness in the mid 70s when I became a Bay City Rollers Fan. We got onto the subject of what happened to the lads in the band, and if any of them ever had any musical ability. I argued that David Paton and Billy Lyall were talented, they moved on to the...
Well here I am again - IT is back and this time it is very angry. Kidney, spleen, adrenal gland, pancreas and to add icing to the cake its in the liver again. This is only an update as we have been waiting on what the docs are going to do, if anything since 07th May, all up in the air again. 18 years is a long time dealing with this dreaded disease but hubby is not ready to give in yet. So the big bad wolf will just have to keep puffing....
So I had a singing lesson today at college. At the moment we are working on songs for our rep which basically means that we take it in turns to get up and sing whatever song/s we have been working on. Anyway today everyone kept singing these really sad songs and one in paticular made me start crying. So I'm sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks, silently crying for about five minuets and I just can't stop crying. So in the end I get up and walk out of the lesson.
Eventually they send...
Sleepless nights have been creeping up on me for the last week or so - tonight it seems to have caught me. Sleepless nights frighten me for many reasons, more so now because of the thoughts that fill my mind and allow me time to listen to my body.
Last November I had 4 consecutive nights with no sleep - I was prescribed Lorazapam 1/2 a little blue tablets before bed - oh how they helped me - knocked me out. I also started to see the faith healer who was based in the hospital, she gave me a CD -...
I understand that it's really hard for people to find the right words when you tell them you have cancer. I suppose there aren't any "right words" but I'm getting really tired of people saying stupid stuff to me that really doesn't help.
For example currently I'm enrolled in a 1 year pre degree course and today everyone on our course got our letters telling us whether we got in or not. Unfortunatly I was one of the people who didn't get in. So my friend comes up to me and...
I'll spend my life regretting, the things we could of done.
I know I feel so lonely, yet I'm not the only one.
I carry the pain inside me, the part of you not here.
I was hoping one day that part would heal.
I cannot hide my pain anymore, or seem to let you go.
I cannot seem to function right, without you anymore.
A part of me died with you, it will never be the same.
But one thing that's true is my love will always remain.
You helped me grow in life and made me who I am.
You were such...
19th December.. It was surreal.. I barely slept... To be honest, I was numb. I had a shower, I got dressed to realize I'd left my shoes at home, I had to wear my converse. I wore a shirt and tie.. Inside I could hear you telling me how smart I looked.. and sorting my tie for me.
When we got to your house, everyone was there and in good spirits. I was in the dining room with Claudia when I turned, everything was quiet... I walked outside.. everyone was crying and heads down. I looked properly...
