I'm feeling selfish at the moment, its not fair that my mum has to go through all of this, its not fair that my mum has to wake up feeling like crap each day, not being able to do the normal stuff she does. Its not fair that she has me and dad pleading with her to stay awake for 2 minutes so she can eat a little and drink a little and pressurising her to do little exercises to keep her moving as much as possible.
I have to think about going back to Canada, I have been home almost 3 months now, but how can I do it, how can I bring myself to leave her and my dad on their own. I have 3 sisters, but they have kids and jobs etc, they have a life that seems to be continuing as normal. I would never want them to give that up, and I know they are going through the same as me, but me and dad don't have anything normal in our lives right now, they come and give us a break every now and again so we can catch up on food shopping, but that's not exactly a break! I feel selfish and horrible because a little part of me wants to go back to Canada so I can have that little bit of 'normal' again, but at the same time, will I regret it, how can I leave my dad to go through this on his own...
He keeps telling me not to worry and to just go back, but then mum will have a seizure or need help bathing her and I know he wont get any help in (he's just not the sort to ask for help, let alone from a stranger). And some days she will have a 'good' day and I will think, she will be fine, I'll go out and sort out all of my immigration stuff and then come back.
I'm scared though, what if I go and something happens, I have done a lot for my mum so I will never have any regrets there, I guess I just have no idea....
