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In the end I managed to get through Monday entirely unscathed and just about hung on for a full 8 hour day at work before going home for a nap (who said napping in your 20s is no good). Hairy kindly offered to cook dinner and I spent the short time I was up sitting next to him on the sofa talking drivel. According to him I beat people with frozen herring; I'm 99% sure that never happened.
I decided I'd tackle the fall out between my lungs and the rest of my body with medication (continued) and...
To not ask how and hope for better,
Arms easier in a buttoned sweater,
To find a hat to go in bed,
And answer doors with covered head,
To eat even when feeling ill,
(An empty stomach’s an acid pill)
To look for bras without a wire,
And hope they’re ones you can admire.
To dress up well on clinic days,
Like it’s a party, a social phase.
To massage scars until they move,
To keep a good tune in the groove.
To not expect to go to plan,
But hope it just might, if it can...
So aside from being 50 shades of crazy last night I think it's all good. I can't get that image out of my head, what a fruit loop but I suppose you can't be good at everything.
I have no idea if HP could tell I'd lost my face to the dark side for several hours while he was out, if he did he did me the kindness of not mentioning it. Bless him, he's the sort of person that doesn't believe in feelings. The idea that you'd acknowledge any sort of weakness in your unwavering faith that everything...
I'm sure it was only a few hours ago I was saying everything was splendid and now you'd think I was an entirely different person. I don't know what's wrong with me. As soon as I stop and I'm left alone, if I let my mind wander for more than 30 seconds I seem to descend into maddening panic. I had gone to bed because I was sick of myself then my friend called me. She's depressed. It's something she battles with and I tried to pay enough attention to be useful. It's not like the world stops turning...
I've had a really wonderful few days. The thought of dragging my sorry germy self out to see people 3 days in a row, on about 4 hours of sleep seemed like a bit of a tall order but actually I've had a fab time.
We went to meet one of our grown up friends (said only because they're married with a baby, not because they behave like adults) at their house. Off we went to a Thai restaurant about 15 minutes from their house and thanks to their over use of sizzling dishes in confined spaces I...
I finally made it to see my friend yesterday (having entirely forgotten to turn up on Tuesday). I had a brilliant time but was correct in my prediction regarding the diagnosis. She turned up at the wrong house to meet me (I rescued her from jarma lady, named for her inability to wear outdoor clothes or any kind of bosom support) on her way home and off we went to her house. Lots of smiles and normal chatter about elbows, stockings and the such. Half way there she turns to me and says 'so shall we...
Today, just now in fact, I had my first head on taste of having someone know I had cancer when I had no intention of it ever being any of their business. I've had various brushes with the subject what with my mother just stopping short of renting a billboard in every town in the country I have relatives in, but so far the result of this has mainly been second hand information that whoever it is, is thinking about me because of, you know, that thing you've got... I'm tempted to start saying "ah you...
