My God!!!. I don't believe It!!!. . Why do I keep logging Into this site . . That's the Victor Meldrew part of me. my daughter's are always pulling my leg about him saying how much I'm like him. well maybe I am.
I'm always reading the just joined section and I really feel for those people. they are all afraid all worried and I know how that feels obviously. sometimes I try to go past them. I try not to read them. I tell my wife about some of the entries I read on here and It upsets her. I've actually had tears In my eyes. so why do I keep doing It. why do I keep upsetting myself every time I visit this site. surely once we have been cured "for want of a better word" we should leave and make room for others who really need to be here.
I try to Inject a little humour Into my entries. but feel It's not appropriate on this site for obvious reason's. When I was first diagnosed I went Into shock and the way I dealt with It was to crack little jokes. for Instance. I would tell my wife I was going out. she would ask where. I would say to the grave yard to pick a plot or to the funeral directors to get things arranged. I thought I was being funny. no one else did. but that was the way I dealt with It. when my heart condition was first diagnosed. after I got over the shock I would sit In my chair with my tongue hanging out. my wife would say what are you doing. I would say "I'm practicing for when I have a stroke" This Is me this Is who I am. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of dying but not death. I feel I've been very lucky but I might not be so lucky next time. my heart could give out at any time or the cancer could return or It could be something else I'm not sure about anything any more In this life. the only certain thing Is we will die but until then I will keep my sense of humour regardless of whatever happens. my daughter love's the terminator film's. when I got back from theatre after having my second resection she was there waiting. I just looked at her and said In Arnies accent " I need a vacation" she laughed and cried at the same time.
I'll be back!!!!!!
