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So today is Tuesday 15 November, CT scan day.
I got 5 hours sleep last night, aided by 2 mild sleeping tablets, but I don't care about that, it was like having a 5 hour pass out of this living hell I've found myself in.
I found myself catching up with the washing and sorting out things from our weekend away, I set the cooker timer to remind myself to mix up the liquid to a litre of water at 12 o'clock. Oh my goodness its a long drive to the hospital, I hope I don't need the loo on the...
It's Monday 14 November, 6pm
Today I am scared, very scared, we left Devon to come back to Wales today, I hated saying goodbye to my daughter, I hated coming home, seems so quiet and empty here. It was the most awful journey of my life, this lump is huge now and very uncomfortable, and its another week until surgery, I don't know if I can handle this anymore. I phoned the breast care nurse on the way home, she was lovely, but said there's nothing can be done before before surgery now, she...
Saturday 5th, I woke up at 4am, the first two seconds were bliss, then the awful realisation that something awful was going on, my stomach flipped over as I remembered it was me and that this was bad...really bad.
Nobody to talk to at that hour. So the only thing to do was to google, I googled and googled but couldn't find the answer I wanted and needed.
My daughter and partner, were staying so I didn't want to make get up and make a noise, so I just laid there thinking the worst. It...
Friends and family... they are wonderful. They have really kept us sane these last few days and I wanted to share that. We have had visits and messages. As well as the constant natter of all our friends on WhatsApp, a friend who lives far away sent Ned a hat for when his hair starts to thin. Neds work friends sent him a parcel containing a little model to build and paint (a hobby of his). My brother bought him the latest issue of Viz, but he had to put that down because it was making him laugh and...
4th November 2016.
Ive always imagined that when we are born we get put on a big huge long conveyor belt, (I have a good imagination) and God willing hopefully we get the chance to travel along to the end without too many wobbles along the way, I know sadly that people do fall off the conveyor belt far too soon and that is cruel, I just never imagined that my conveyor belt might actually stop for a while, make me get off, give me a huge devastating shock, and then decide wether to let me get back...
After leaving home I found it so easy to cope, I was sixteen and for once in my life I didn't have any stress. I just went to work, came 'home' walked my dog, and did my own thing. It was bliss. The only problem I had was that I knew that my mum missed me terribly. When I met up with her I could tell how discontent she was, she told me that she wanted to leave my dad, but she just couldn't do it, she got so so close, but changed her mind, to this day my dad doesn't know anything about that. My brother...
Today has been hard, but the feeding tube is now in! They took Ned down to have the procedure this morning after quite a gruelling, 1 hour, ordeal of trying to get a tube through his nose and down his throat past the tumour. When he got back to the ward he was really upset. The tube was put in under local anaesthetic, and he felt a lot of what happened. It really scared him, and he was very shook up when he came back. There wasn't much I could do except hold his hand and tell him how proud I am of...
Mum has just started a new chemotherapy drug - liposomal doxorubicin. It has just a 20% chance of working, meaning it only works for 1 out of every 5 people who have it. Mum says she will be that 1! I love her positivity, it makes a huge contrast to me. I feel incredibly negative right now, but I guess that is a coping mechanism.
As with all chemotherapy drugs, the liposomal doxorubicin comes with a huge range of side effects including nausea, mouth ulcers, diarrhoea and of course tiredness. But it...
I'm 50 so this may take a while.
Plus l have never written a blog.(I think it's an electric diary)
I'm rubbish with technology... so here we go.
Extract from 'The Cancer Survivor's Companion' (Dr F. Goodhart)
For most of the time you sail along weathering both the expected and unanticipated storms that occur in every life. Then, all of a sudden and without warning, the most horrendous storm blows up - much worse than any you have experienced before and completely unexpectedly. Your boat is tossed all over the place, you are lashed by rain and wind, the waves crash about you, their size obliterating the horizon and restricting...
