So the next few days were a bit of a blur, I received an appointment for my MRI, I told close friends and family what was happening and I googled alot (stupid I know) which actually helped as I found 2 charities that were really informative, helpful and positive: Mummy's Star who support people affected by cancer during pregnancy or within a year of birth and Jo's Cervical Cancer Trust. I also found a closed support group on facebook who were also really supportive and encouraging with so many stories detailing positive results even in advanced cancer.
On the Saturday night after colposcopy I woke with a high temperature, uncontrollable shivering and severe pain and ended up in hospital for 4 days on iv antibiotics and paracetamol which broke the temperature and codeine and liquid morphine for the pain which was at times unbearable.
It was during these times of severe pain in my back and hips which felt like a gnawing, aching in the bones as well as a sharp intense pain like a corkscrew being pushed into my lower back, that I thought to myself this must be advanced, it's in my bones, I won't get to see my kids grow up, this isn't fair but luckily these moments didn't last long and I could go back to hoping that the consultant was wrong although I knew deep down that he wasn't, I knew it was cancer I just needed confirmation and the waiting was excrutiating!
The positive of being an inpatiemt is that the amazing doctors and nurses managed to get my MRI and CT scans brought forward in time for the multidisciplinary meeting on the Friday, where they discuss new and exisiting cancer cases and agree treatment plans and I was discharged home with pain meds and an appointment to get my results on the Friday, just 3 weeks after my initial GP appointment (this is when the NHS is AMAZING!!!).
So the Friday came and I left my 2 kids with daddy and mamgu (welsh for grandma or great mum, which she is) and went to my results appointment with a very dear friend who I did my nurse training with and who I was relying on to be my ears and memory if I shut down.
The nurse called us in and we all exchanged pleasantries and then we got down to buisness..."its bad news I'm afraid" the consultant said "it's cancer". Suprisingly I felt a relief that I finally new what it was and now somethimg could be done about it.
The consultant and nurse specialist explained that it is an inoperable 5cm stage 2b squamous cell cervical cancer and that the lymph nodes locally are involved and that it is a grade 2, so not most aggressive but not least either (I remember making a comment about having a mediocre tumour, nervous black humour).
They then explained the treatment plan which is 5 days a week for 5 weeks external radiation with chemotherapy aswell on one day and then 3 weeks of internal radiation but that I needed a PET scan and examination under anaesthesia before I meet the radiologist just to make sure bladder and bowel not involved in any way and to make sure no other lymph nodes are involved but that if all stays the same I should start treatment mid January and be done by mid March.
My friend acted as my scribe and wrote it all down for me but suprisingly I felt fairly calm and pragmatic about the whole thing and still do, most of the time.
Now for more waiting!
