So I am writing this from solitary confinement (my bedroom), eating chinese (that was left outside the door by my hubby) whilst my hubby is looking after our children; as I am radioactive post PET/CT scan. 

During the above procedure they basically inject you with radioactive sugar (hope I don't get a superpower from this, the power to sweeten tea is rubbish lol) and look at how your tissues react; as healthy and diseased tissue react differently. 

The hope is that this scan will show that the cancer hasn't spread to any other lymph nodes (don't want to be greedy, I think 6 is enough already) and this, along with the CT, MRI and upcoming examination, will confirm exactly what the oncologist needs to attack with the chemoradiation.
I also discovered today that I have menopause to look forward to post-treatment. The consultant doesn't want to do surgery to move my ovaries out of radiation field as it would postpone treatment and probably wouldn't work, anyway. If I can survive the horrid hot flushes, night sweats and mood swings the bright side is no unplanned pregnancies to worry about and I will save a fortune on sanitary products! 

It's weird, as I write this or talk to friends or family about it I don't feel emotional or overwhelmed by the magnitude of what is happening. However when a lovely macmillan volunteer asked me how I was coping, I cried as in many ways I'm not! When I saw my daughter in her christmas carol concert yesterday, I cried as I thought for 1 second will I get to see another. When I screw up routine mundane things like ruin a bottle of formula or forget something, I cry because I realise my mind is distracted by my "dark passenger" and my pain more than I like to admit.

It's weird how reality creeps in at random times and however much, most of the time, it all feels like it's happening to someone else (or maybe that's just the pain meds) I am sure reality will slowly take over, when hospitals and treatments are my daily routine rather than play groups and paw patrol. However for now I will take delusions of normalcy as much as I can.