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Life was ticking along nicely until early August when Dad told me he was off to hospital to have a camera look down his throat as for sometime he had been experiencing difficulties with swallowing and eating. He went along to his appointment knowing what to expect as he had this procedure done some years ago. I got a phone call from him later that day , which was to change everything for ever. Dad explained in a very calm way that they were unable to complete the procedure and have a good look with...
I should be feeling better now, but have a hit a wall. I think the physical and emotional effort to get through the treatment has left me exhausted. I suppose I'll find a way, but my nails/ eyebrows/eyelashes are falling out. I wasn't expecting this at this late stage. My red hair has been replaced by black stubble. My prosthesis keeps sliding over and peeps out of my bra. My eyes are itching and watering. My private parts are itching and sore and to top the lot I fell downstairs and broke my toe...
Well we are on countdown to Wednesday. Mum will get her test results and treatment plan. It seems like the longest time until then I am a wreck. I dread to think how she is feeling about it. She never really lets on exactly what is going on in her head and I can’t blame her for that. I do know that she feels out of control and her life is in the hands of others, which for my Mum the ex-nurse control freak is not an easy thing.
Anyway I just feel sick to my stomach and I lurch from angry...
My dad has always had a cheeky, naughty twinkle in his eyes and they sparkle. He just looked at me and said "i'm paying, now go and sit down and shut up!" Typical dad words i suppose, but in his eyes was a sadness and such sorrow that i will never forget seeing.....and that sparkle and naughty twinkle was nowhere to be seen or noticed. In that instant i felt myself well up and tears came to my eyes and i begged my dad to sit down and let us sort out the bill. Still he refused and told me to go to...
At the next 6 month scan the news wasn't so great. The cancer has grown again in his lungs and has now spread to his Central Lymph Nodes as well. I attended my dad's consultant appointment with him as there were a lot of questions i wanted to ask. He said i could go with him as i might pick up on something that he might miss.
We met the dr and a lovely lady who is his consultant support and they answered all our questions honestly and openly. It happens now that my dad has to have two forms...
My dad started his chemo and after 6 lots of treatment had a scan. My siblings took it in turns taking him to his appointments as this time round he was a bit ill each time he had a dose....i couldn't as i didn't drive at the time. I made sure i went round every week though and got him and my mum anything they needed. This wasn't often though as my dad is fiercely proud and independant....another trait i get from him lol. The scan told us that the chemo had shrunk the tumours enough for them not...
At his first 6 monthly scan for his liver they decided to do a full body scan as my dad had been struggling with his breathing quite a bit. Nothing too serious, just getting short of breath when cleaning up and walking to the shops. This, we all thought, was maybe to do with his asthma that my dad had had all his life. Just to be safe though the drs said they would scan his body to make sure all was okay. He had lost a bit of weight but he had put that down to changing his diet to a healthy eating...
When my dad went in for the operation on his liver i vowed to go and see him after this one as i felt even more so that i should show my support. I wasn't however prepared for how it would be. My siblings and my mum protected me from what had really gone on during his operation until a few months down the line, but i shall explain that later. My dad was in ICU and then progressed onto HDU after a short period as he improved greatly and quickly. But seeing him there all wired up to machines monitoring...
The course of treatment for both tumours was operations followed by chemotherapy, but they could not be done together. First his bowel and colon had to be taken care of as this was the worst one, so he was booked in for his operation. I never went to see my dad after his operation as i couldn't bring myself to, and for this i felt awful, but i spoke to my mum and siblings every day to find out how he was getting on. I was always told he was fine and doing well. When he was allowed home a week later...
My dad is my hero, always has been and always will be. He has taught me to be strong and forward speaking....no matter what the consequences and just like my dad i try and keep my emotions under wraps unless necessary. But as you will discover i am finding it harder and harder now.
Just a couple of days before his 70th birthday 5 years ago my dad discovered he had bowel and colon cancer. Telling us, (his 5 children), must have been the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but he did it with dignity...
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