Life was ticking along nicely until early August when Dad told me he was off to hospital to have a camera look down his throat as for sometime he had been experiencing difficulties with swallowing and eating. He went along to his appointment knowing what to expect as he had this procedure done some years ago. I got a phone call from him later that day , which was to change everything for ever. Dad explained in a very calm way that they were unable to complete the procedure and have a good look with the camera as there was "something blocking the way". He would now need to go for a CT scan in a few weeks. I live over 100 miles from my parent so then began my many journeys to home..I went with mum and dad to the hospital for the CT scan, Dad went alone to the hospital for the results to be told it was unoperable and maybe some chemo or radiotheraphy may help. Mum , my sister and I were devistated by this news..dad once again took it in his stride. In early September Dad was ment to go to an appointment with the consultant to discuss his options, but he never got to that appointment as he was taken into hospital with de hydration. He stayed in hopsital for 10 days. as he was unable to climb the stairs at home by now , mum made her living room into a bedroom for him. The rounds of distric nurses doctors and carers now made mum and dads house into a mini hospital . Every time I visited I could see a deterioation dads health, becoming more and more unable to do things for himself and relying on mum. Through out September and October I continued with my regular jouneys to visit. November came and I rang mum as usual to ask about Dad and she told me he was now on a sringe driver for the pain and very down some of the time agitated sometime too. I jumped in the car again, and when I arrived I found not only my Dad in a complete mess, but my mum too. She had been trying to cope for the toll was now showing no her .Dad was now confussed and agitated, sometimes agressive in his words. The decision was then made with mum my sister and the doctor that mum could no longer cope so it was time for dad to go in to a hospice. No immediate hospice places where available so Dad was taken into hopsital. Not the best place for him as the care he received was not good, he was even allowed to fall out of bed as he was not being watched in his confussed stated. My sister was also with us while dad was in hospital, so I went home to see my husband and kids. My sister rang me to say dads breathing was bad so I went back again. We got a call in the early hours of Friday 18th November from the hospital telling us to come to the hospital. Dad died at 1.45am on Friday 18th November with me and my mum holding his hands telling him we loved him . I told him he could go , and me and my sister would look after mum for him... Lots of paperwork to do now...I threw myself into this as it was a good distraction for me...Funeral was not til 1st December which we got through ok. Christmas and New Year came , some tears from me , but not too many. Not a day goes by when I dont think of my Dad and how he suffered physically and mentally over his last few months, my big strong Dad. I thought I was coping and doing OK until last night it call came back to me like a bullet hitting me..panic attacks all night ... I felt very tearful and frightened sick and sweaty...people say time is a healer...I really hope so. Love my dad now and forever
