At the next 6 month scan the news wasn't so great. The cancer has grown again in his lungs and has now spread to his Central Lymph Nodes as well. I attended my dad's consultant appointment with him as there were a lot of questions i wanted to ask. He said i could go with him as i might pick up on something that he might miss.
We met the dr and a lovely lady who is his consultant support and they answered all our questions honestly and openly. It happens now that my dad has to have two forms of chemotherapy combined, one lot for his lungs, which runs in 6 doses as usual and one of which he will have to have now for the rest of his life or until his body becomes immune to it. Once that happens there isn't a great deal they can do for my dad.
I had taken all this in my stride over the past 5 years and all my family have been saying how strong i am and how i'm there helping them deal with it better because i'm so strong. I thought i was too until we all went out recently.
This bout of treatment has made my dad ill quite a lot now and he is losing his hair this time, (something that hasn't happened before at all), and it's given him a terrible rash on his face and neck and he has felt awful about himself and lost all his confidence because of how it has made him look. I have continued to try and keep him upbeat about it, and have told him that each time he has his treatment he will feel better as it's just his body getting used to it, and he is feeling better with each one thankfully.
Anyway, we all went out recently for my mums birthday and my dad sneaked off to pay the bill. We caught him and i was sent over to stop him paying as we had all agreed we would pay our own ways. He refused to leave the till and turned round and looked me straight in the eyes, and what i saw deep in his eyes devaststed me beyond belief.
