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Feb 2017
My story so far...
I am one in eight. You won't see me on an ad campaign or in a magazine, yet there are thousands like me.
I had stage 1 breast cancer in early 2014, not many people know about it. Even some of my family and friends don't know - my fight, my choice. Those who do know kept it to themselves for me.
My cancer was picked up by my first routine mammogram, I was 51 at the time.
I had no lump or other symptoms so feel very lucky that I was in the right...
Each day, I put on a brave face. There are those who take no notice of it, who take me as I am and with whom I feel comfortable, but there are others who find it hard to cope with the cancer and with whom I cannot share the confusion and pain underneath. For those friends, I must wear my brave face, and this is a poem I wrote for them:
I buy my brave faces online.
The standard design, inexpensive, disposable, sold in packs of twenty.
A fresh face every day.
“Hide your true face behind the privacy...
Friday 3rd February.
Well I'm sitting here on a wet miserable Friday feeling a bit fed up with myself, which is better than earlier when I was really really fed up!
I had the first session of the T chemo on Tuesday and it went ok up until last night, in fact I was feeling very good, but last night I kept waking up feeling achy and heavy and had a sore throat. My temperature is fine, it's just the chemo side effects, but today I've been feeling really down with it, sort of like I'm not in...
Well, I turned up half an hour early as requested, for my fist radiotherapy session, armed with a Moody Blues CD, two bottles of water and a Lorazepam tablet. I was first led into a room where my details were checked, and I took the opportunity of mentioning my Claustrophobia, then shot the pill down. 20 mins later I was led into the treatment room, where the techs already new of my anxious condition, and put me well at ease. (the tablet was taking effect too). i was told the procedure would take...
I'm finding things difficult, still. I have good and bad days and on top of those really bad days, sometimes. I have found an outlet in the gym and lifting weights again. I missed my session today and I'm sure that contributed to having a bad day.
I'm still at Mum's bungalow surrounded by memories and at night things overwhelm me so much more. It's always when it's quiet, isn't it? I start a new job on Monday, so hopefully things will be looking up for me :)
Nothing...
Evening dear readers,
I should be writing this blog about how my first immunotherapy infusion went. Instead I'm writing about how I still haven't got that far.
I didn't get my first infusion last week as hoped.
We booked our train tickets and hotel room as the hospital suggested we would be better to spend the night before in London so we could be at the hospital in the morning ready for a raft of tests and then a plan to have the infusion later in the day.
Dad and I arrived at the ho...
Just a quick note. Big day tomorrow. I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I started having problems. I’ve known since my initial diagnosis that I would need major abdominal surgery but it always seemed so far away and happening to a different person.
Now it all feels very personal and very immediate.
Lots going on in this little head of mine. My life will never be the same again. I’ve read numerous entries from so many people describing their ‘new’ lives and it’s more about...
I want today to be a duvet day where I can hide from the whole world and not have to face my life. A day where I could hide under the duvet and cry and scream until all the emotions of my broken heart are gone. Broken heart from mums diagnosis and a broken heart from a broken relationship.
