I'm finding things difficult, still. I have good and bad days and on top of those really bad days, sometimes. I have found an outlet in the gym and lifting weights again. I missed my session today and I'm sure that contributed to having a bad day.
I'm still at Mum's bungalow surrounded by memories and at night things overwhelm me so much more. It's always when it's quiet, isn't it? I start a new job on Monday…
Mum has had a syringe driver and catheter fitted in the last day. She is sleeping most of the time.
I'm terrified. I'm terrified of being the only one here when she takes her last breath... I've never seen anyone die before.
I'm scared that she's in pain but unable to speak so can't have it fixed. I'm scared that she's scared....
I don't really know what to do with myself....
I…
So Mums lung cancer has grown a little bit more than her first x-ray in July. She's in respite because I was really starting to struggle- i was caring for her 24/7 and hardly had a break, lucky if i got an hour at a time. They put her on 30mg of MR oxycodone but that's made her very sleepy and confused. The palliative team have suggested a lower dose of oxycodon and another kid of pain relief that treats nerve pain, so…
