Each day, I put on a brave face. There are those who take no notice of it, who take me as I am and with whom I feel comfortable, but there are others who find it hard to cope with the cancer and with whom I cannot share the confusion and pain underneath. For those friends, I must wear my brave face, and this is a poem I wrote for them:
I buy my brave faces online.
The standard design, inexpensive, disposable, sold in packs of twenty.
A fresh face every day.
“Hide your true face behind the privacy of our mask”
“Keep voyeurs at bay”
“Protect your loved ones from your pain”
“Let our brave faces do the smiling for you”
I buy my brave faces online.
The standard design, inexpensive, disposable, sold in packs of twenty.
But behind them, I am wounded.
Are you comforted by my brave face?
Look closely. Do you choose to hope it is me?
Believing the mask rather than the disfigurement beneath.
“Buy our brave faces”
“Fit like a second skin, covering up scars and unsightliness.”
“Given time, our brave faces will fuse and become your normal face”
Be warned. Some damage is too deep for fusion.
Wait and watch and the mask will slip.
And your admiration and hope will sicken and turn to embarrassment and pity
As you turn away, with your isolating eyes.
Please, don’t leave me. Come back.
I buy my brave faces online.
The standard design, inexpensive, disposable, sold in packs of twenty.
I have a new one here in my bag.
There, I am acceptable again.
