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There are lots of jobs that I imagine myself doing.....with glamourous perks such as travelling the world 1st class, earning obscene amounts of money for doing very little, living a luxurious lifestyle with a housekeeper, someone to do the garden, someone to drive me wherever I want to go, someone to cook for me and so it goes on, but what job did I get without even being interviewed for? CARER to my dear husband, salary free, extended hours, learn on the job, clearing up puke, dealing with abuse...
Since I can no longer speak to you, I thought I'd write letters to you, like diary entries I suppose, to say what I'm thinking.
I was struck by the number of books you had, Mum, on beating cancer, eating well, positive thinking. At the time, I said to Dad that you really did try and beat it, but then it occurred to me that despite all that, you were still not able to stop it.
I'm listening to your funeral hymns and songs. Morbid perhaps. When I hear them, I feel as though...
Well in hospital again last sunday, constant sickness the doctor keeps saying its constipation. Tried everything and it is now 12 weeks since radiotherapy, He has been losing weight every week and is now very thin. They kept him in untill wed to try and clear it, he is now home but still no appitite. Dont really know what to do next, it is pointless that they keep saying eat lots of fibre when he can only manage a small bowl of soup! I feel there most be something else going on, ant advice?
Now 2 days after the op, managed to eat something non liquid this morning and the pain killers are working fine. Many, many thanks for the kind comments and concern which really help; one thought - this was only the preliminary op, getting through the chemoRT will be on a different scale, as most of you "veterans" already know so will be relying on your experience a lot!!!
Regards,
Colin
what do i do how do i cope with my dads latest news that there is nothing more nurses can do for him ?
…so that’s okay then.
That explains my overlong visit and descent into worry… the person I saw on Monday is a new(ish) and enthusiastic registrar. No wonder I was in there so long.
Yesterday was R-CHOP (chemo) number 5.
Having had a vomiting session the day before (very like the one at the beginning of this cycle- but not worth going into hospital with) I was weak as a kitten and slept through most of the chemo drip, waking up in time for my ham sandwich and trifle...
Had surgery yesterday at 9:30am to remove the primary tumour from my right tonsil, remove 8 molars and to check all the "silent" sites where tumours might be lurking undetected. From "lights out" to wake up was a little under 4 hours which was a bit of surprise, as was the level of pain in my throat!!! But a couple of pain shots soon helped and I was taken up on the ward.
The pain started rampling up again after 30 minutes or so and soon get intolerable, I got a small syringe...
Eight months on and hitting a better patch, I think I can handle stuff. How wrong I am. How naive. So I open the Pandora's Box, pull out something which should be left alone, and find myself hurled headlong back down right to the bottom of the pit, right back to that place I found myself just after D's death. And it's all my own fault, because I had to know, had to pick away at something that did me no good.
Lessons to learn: no matter how long we live with someone, we can never really...
