Since I can no longer speak to you, I thought I'd write letters to you, like diary entries I suppose, to say what I'm thinking.
I was struck by the number of books you had, Mum, on beating cancer, eating well, positive thinking. At the time, I said to Dad that you really did try and beat it, but then it occurred to me that despite all that, you were still not able to stop it.
I'm listening to your funeral hymns and songs. Morbid perhaps. When I hear them, I feel as though I can't breath. It's as if someone is pressing hard onto my chest. I can't believe that you're just not here anymore, it's just such an overwhelming nothing.
Dad was sad yesterday. Silly things. He told me that he'd washed the kitchen floor and there was no-one there to say he'd done it ok. I hope he will be alright. I hope that I can spend more time with him. Life is so precious.
Can't do more now. Love you Mum xxx
