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It's a while since I wrote one of these. If i looked back, I would see how I've changed, how things have changed.
In an effort to get through the winter months early in bereavement, I decided to start piano lessons again after far too many years. The lessons became something I did each week and gave me something to work on at home when I was on my own. Time has passed. I recall trudging through thick snow to get to one or two lessons, wearing thick ski mitts to try and keep my fingers warm...
We were out a very long time for the 3rd hospital intravenous appointment, but it went well and the greatest pleasure is not having so much arm tingling. Could be a result of having a heat rap all the time it was going in or simple the really hot weather we have had.
Tiredness has of course gone on, but I didn't really appreciate how tired I get until yesterday when we went to my grandson's 'early' birthday party. His mum is likely to produce his new brother too near his real August...
Well i did'nt know when or if this second cycle of chemo was going to start or even starting at all, but thankfully the first one has worked a little so here we are giving it another chance to do its job a little further. Everyone was at the clinic with me for the results and i must admit i was in shock at the news, being me i was expecting the the worse. I am determined to look on the bright side in future and kick cancers backside for as long as i can!!!!!
I have found keeping diary of the...
Got myself feeling a little gloomy lately, think it's all that jazz music I've been trying to listen to! So in this sort of situation the best thing to do is to reach for your favourite album.
It's always difficult to pick a favourite, so many to choose from. But this one beats all the rest for me.
It's a 1973 album by Ronnie Dyson and it's called "One Man Band". I adore this man's voice and I love all 10 tracks.
If I have to pick a favourite song it is "I Think...
Inanna was a Mesopotamian goddess who descended into the Underworld to rescue someone. I forget who, perhaps her husband? At some point she performs a striptease, culminating in her own skin, flesh, bone and then she escapes, survives, is triumphant!
Its the classic tale of an ordeal that is character-building; exactly as I expect this little episode to be.
Fears to be faced! I'm so vain, so private, such a recluse, such a coward!
I dare not even read any advice on the treatment I'll receive...
I found a lump one afternoon, about a month ago. I saw my GP, she referred me to the local hospital, I was told I definitely had breast cancer this morning.
Isn't it curious how calm I feel whilst simultaneously feeling a sense of rising terror?!
I'm like one of those prey animals who drop limply when they feel the tiger's jaw around their neck.
My preoccupations now are:
And finally some sign of improvement. Still a long way from normal but getting there.
Sometimes forget what normal is/was. But I know I'm in good company here with that one.
Hubby has been much more upbeat in the last few days and bowel movements seem to be reverting to pre diagnosis state. He is now brave enough to pass the occasional burst of wind (or fart to us uncouth commoners). Toilet movements are firming up too and showing a little more depth of colour. The paleness and looseness is...
I found my voice through treatment. I found my voice because it was solicited and respected and valued and deemed important. Because others thought my voice was important I came to believe it to be so.
I'm told I had a rough time through treatment but with nothing to compare it to what would I know. I am here, I am alive and now having a tougher time surviving. I don't really know why, I did not know what to expect, I have nothing to compare it to....................except that I do to a degree...
Well that was bound to happen! I should have known better really. If anybody got their hands on a diary from my teen years it would have sounded like I was seriously depressed but that is because the diary only got written in when I was down. When I was out and about, having the best kind of fun then there was no time to write a "stupid diary."
So here it is with the blog, when I am busy and battling on there is no time to write. When I am having fun and getting enough rest there is no...
