Surviving sometimes sucks!

Hello. That is good thing about this site. Some of us call them aliens. The people out there. The ones who say the most stupid things to you and assume all is ok and you've forgotten about it and you are 'all clear' and bouncing.

Yeah right. who ever told them that phrase? all clear? I am currently in limbo. They have treated me. They can't see the cancer. They keep checking and scanning every 3 months to see if it is there. In the mean time I go to work, I suffer from fatigue, I have dreadful bowel habits, pain, osteopenia, an early menopause, probability of needing another colostomy and my joints ache and are stiff. blah blah you know the stuff. People at work ask me to do things for them because they are tired. They go off sick and I have to do their work for them. I don't go off sick because a cold doesn't seem like ill to me and I missed so much work I feel I should be there. I'm not moaning as I have learned to live with it. I laugh and joke and pretend I am fine in public and then privately on here and in private messages I tell it how it is. With those that understand. Post treatment floors you. It really does. And it messes with your head. And somehow people want you to be ok and normal as they can't face the reality of it. I think it makes them have to face their own fears and mortality and they don't like it. Or you get the headtilters who tell you how brave you are....

So, firstly have a big hug for crappiness from me. I am going to say something that might make you want to punch me but hear me out. After treatment, I had massive fatigue. I couldn't walk from the car park at work to the front door. I couldn't do anything really. I was getting quite worried about my existence of sleeping, working getting exhausted and headaches and sleeping. My days and afternoons off were spent recovering from the tiredness. in the end I started to exercise. Firstly by trying to walk round the block. I had to sit on the wall on the way round and stop to get my breath, but I did it. I went to the pool and tried to swim as I loved swimming. I managed nearly half a length and gave up thinking I was going to faint. BUT I went back and back and slowly started to discover that the only cure for my tiredness was exercise. A swim one day would give me energy for the next two days. I still have to do it now, though I can do a bit more at the gym these days! It helps some of the pain and stiffness soon. You may think you must be joking but this is from someone who couldn't get down the stairs, so I wasn't leaping around. Take it slow and steady... I walked to the end of the drive and back. Then the next lamppost and back and each day I did one more lamp post or tree... slowly slowly but it made a heck of a difference and more than sleep or anything.

I'll shut up now and give you a hug. We get it on here because we are the same so you can always rant away here. No aliens allowed :)

Little My xxx

Great advice Little My:

I know you're right 'cos I did the same thing and managed to walk a half marathon last November (a year post treatment).  Unfortunately, I then needed another op in February and the fatigue came back.....

So I've started all over again - walking to the mailbox and back, 5 minutes in the pool. It's frustrating and exhausting but I know it'll get better.  It will for you too AM.

Hugs to all struggling survivors xxx