The first thing that happened

I found a lump one afternoon, about a month ago. I saw my GP, she referred me to the local hospital, I was told I definitely had breast cancer this morning.

Isn't it curious how calm I feel whilst simultaneously feeling a sense of rising terror?!

I'm like one of those prey animals who drop limply when they feel the tiger's jaw around their neck.

My preoccupations now are:

• to create a gorgeously exotic hidey-hole in the spare bedroom; I'll need Middle-Eastern lanterns, incense ,Indian fabric, Persian carpet, numerous cushions and faux fur throws.
• to maintain a public face of serenity & poise & good humour
• my hair; what will become of it?
• will I be brave?

How will this journal unfold? I want to be honest - can it be done?

I worry I'm going to feel humiliated.

I worry that people I love will be disgusted and frightened by me.