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I hate the word "roller coaster". It implies that after a short up and down ride I'm going to get off and return to my normal life.
I would say what I'm going through is more akin to being buried alive. Just occasionally there is a glimpse of light and air but overall it is suffocating and the end result will be too awful for words.
Our eldest son has for over a year saved and planned his trip to the football World Cup. Every minute detail attended to and he was looking forward...
It's probably a little early to declare today a good day but it's warm and sunny and that's enough to make a ginger smiley (providing there is enough suncream) even though I managed to fall over twice on my walk to another episode of endless appointments with health care professionals. More tests. On the bright side that all went without a hitch. On the not so bright side I've now fallen down 3 times in 2 days and am the proud owner of 6 massive bruises.
The falling over is nothing...
Today is another good day. This whole aiming for more good things is going splendidly, even if I am only two days in!
I had a minor moment of panic last night which was bought on by a combination of me (I really need to stop reading my lymphoma books; they're not as reassuring as they want to be) and anger at America (not like I over-reacted at all) because of their need to make a film about teenage love in a cancer group. How is that heart warming exactly? Why would it be so exciting? Surely people...
I'm having a much better day today, not least because my lovely fiance (who I probably should just start calling HP or the like since that's how he's addressed at home. Not that his name is HP but I call him Monsieur Hairypants/Hairypants/Hairy/HP etc) really cheered me up. I'm still frightened but I'm finding today easier to ignore it. I woke in the middle of the name convinced I must have a tumour in my chest because I couldn't breathe and then more rationally figured I might well be getting a...
It's a while since I updated this blog .... we had a week away in Cornwall and I have now started to feel as though I am regaining some energy. My mood has definitely lifted - which I know is down to the antidepressants. These two things mean that I am able to start contributing around the house a little more than I had been doing ..... so I am doing more cooking, simple things like loading and unloading the dishwasher and have continued to collect my daughter from school.
Already I am wondering...
I'd hoped if I slept on it I might be a little less crazy but erm apparently not! I am somewhat proud of myself for being able to talk myself out of a panic attack before it took over (and anyone at work could notice) but I am still no less convinced of new and scary lumps and bumps on my body. Little red dots that I've had for years are now getting an eagle-eyed inspection and the lump in my neck which I'm now 5% sure is a tumour, 70% sure is my voice box, 10% sure is my lymph nodes and 15% sure...
Hi,
I've been having persistant pain in my leg for about 6 weeks now. My doctors sent me for an xray and there is a 5cm tumour near the top of my left femur, it is within the bone. From the xray they have said it looks cancerous. I have been referred to Birmingham ROH for biopsies. I've a million questions to ask and just in complete limbo as I know it will be a few weeks before I get any results.
If anyone has any advice or suggestions I could be doing while I wait for my results it would...
