It's a while since I updated this blog .... we had a week away in Cornwall and I have now started to feel as though I am regaining some energy. My mood has definitely lifted - which I know is down to the antidepressants. These two things mean that I am able to start contributing around the house a little more than I had been doing ..... so I am doing more cooking, simple things like loading and unloading the dishwasher and have continued to collect my daughter from school.
Already I am wondering whether removal of the anti-depressants would result in a return to my previous mood. Not that I'm thinking of stopping taking them, but I am wondering what happens when the time comes to stop. Also, would it lead to my energy levels dipping.
I have not done any formal exercise beyond walking .... and try to do this every day. A one-mile stroll down our hill to the High Street and then back up again has the potential to drain my energy so I am still taking it steady .... but in this beautiful weather, it is a great feeling to be back out walking.
In terms of my physical side-effects:
Hair loss - this remains as it was and there is no re-growth as yet. I have had my hair coloured again after a long gap.
Facial swelling / skin - my face is swollen though it isn't very noticeable. I think it is probably slight lymphedema and will mention it at my second ENT follow-up tomorrow. The skins continues to recover and I am religiously applying F50 suncream several times every day, and I am wearing a scarf for going out in the sun.
Mouth ulcers - one the past few weeks I have had some new outbreaks and some very sore days. The inside of my cheek remains tender, but I unconsciously was chewing on my treated side yesterday so the pain is now nearing recovered.
Tongue - remains sore but is improving. Minty toothpaste, tomatoes, spicy foods and high sugar foods (such as raisins or meringue) still irritate but other than these things I am trying to return to a near normal diet. Today I had a goats'cheese and beetroot salad (with balsamic vinegar and oil sprinkled on) .... I also ate 2 Ryvitas and then made a batch of sugar-free banana cakes so, of course, it has been necessary to sample the results. This was all trouble free and I will try to stick with the sugar-free approach.
Pain relief - As of last Thursday I am taking NO pain relief - so it took me 8 weeks. It might have taken less than this but only very slightly. I needed pain relief to help me deal with the pain following minor surgery to remove some skin lesions - and I need morphine for a couple of nights because the paracetamol wasn't cutting it.
I am now able to sleep on the side where I had my surgery (January 2014) and the RT (March / April 2014). I do this with care, a really soft pillow and a half-doughnut neck support which I have used to find a way to have my head supported without the need for my ear and cheek to be in contact with the pillow (which is beneath the doughnut). It is these small things that feel like momentous steps for me :-)
What has been happening with my counselling? I continue telephone counselling with the BUPA counsellor .... I am exploring my confidence and feelings of worth as someone with cancer (my choice of things to explore). The CBT, I had one session at Step 2 and felt very disengaged by this ..... I qualify for a more intensive Step 3 type of CBT, but the wait list is several months and so I accepted the offer to try the less-intensive Step 2. It definitely wasn't the right thing for me and I was able to have this discussion with my GP and also the counselling service. It felt like a huge step to be able to muster up the confidence to have this discussion, but I know I am doing the right thing.
So, I will come back again once the pain and side effects have receded further or if I encounter anything else interesting to report ..... but I do feel as though I am ENJOYING my days at the moment - so I am taking this as a positive and making the most of it. Once my skin lesion wound areas have healed a little more (and I hopefully get clear news about these), I will think about building up some exercise with the aim of getting back to 5K before the end of this year.
xx
