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Seems the ten ton truck hit me yesterday and it is finally a reality in my life. The life that has to be completely re-routed. I'm in a big downer at present as I realise that this cancer is real and have to get up my strength to see the oncologist next week (Friday) to see when the chemo starts, what drugs they intend using and the cyclical phases of it. Had to stop the meds they gave me for pain as they caused such stomach problems - now that's all there is for a long time, drugs and more drugs...
Not a good night, soreness and bruising very apparent now - my poor old boob is half again as big! Pains in stomach from not being able to go to the loo after anesthetic, kept me sitting on the loo, hoping - not being able to strain, as it were. So, the anesthetic has finally worn off but I'm tired as heck from no sleep hardly, last night.
Of course, I would love to be able to look at the scars, but can't see them - I guess that will come on the 10th when I get the treatment plan and staging...
As much as they told me yesterday, which wasn't much, but:
The tumour wasn't embedded in as much of the chest muscle as what they'd previously thought, so they were able remove more of the tumour that was in the fleshy & duct part of the breast and not so much muscle.
The other incision was to take three sentinel lymph nodes. They gave me a script for pain killers which I got, but on purpose didn't take - quite honestly I think have quite a high level of tolerance of pain when it...
Bit of the 'panic's' today, don't really want to go, but know I have to. Worst bit is going to be the first I .....think - I don't want to be injected 4 times around one little nipple...with nuclear meds....gawd, I might ask for a pre med early - ha ha (methinks I am NOT joking!)
It's actually 13 degrees outside today. Feeling a little cold inside the room now as I finished cleaning it about an hour ago and then had a frightening episode - panic, nerves and stuff only - all...
Didn't go to see psychologist - had half an hour with the doctor, before Prof arrived. We did have a erm..little bit of an argument, and she laughed and said I was a feisty biteen indeed (Irish for a' bit of an argumentative and no way I'm gonna get bullied or frightened by her, girl!).
Had blood tests, MRI (yes, even though they had said yes, then no....) and another ultra sound, ECT (pre-surgery thing of course) and the oxygen levels in my blood are only fair - fair says I ????? taking...
This is only my humble opinion, BUT HRT is a no no and proved to be a big contributory factor in getting breast cancer! I did, however, stop taking mine twelve years ago - took a herbal replacement for a while, but then put up with the hot flushes (actually quite nice in the winter time he he) and haven't taken anything since. No idea if this is in my genetic family as both my sister and I were adopted from separate families.
Not having borne children can also be a factor in contracting BC...
Woke up with a goal! To get rid of this bloody thing! Have been busy trying to find out costs of chemo in Chennai - very difficult, they keep sending me information on radiotherapy....grrr. Got to get these figures together, so I know what kind of money I'm looking at. From a couple I've seen, I don't think it will be possible to do - best go do the lottery :-)
If there's anyone out there who thinks it's cheaper to live in India than Ireland or the UK, you'd better think again. Prices...
Went in to see the Prof this afternoon and here's the result. Not good news, but I feel SO much better now that the waiting is over.
Tis malignant, got to go to see them for further tests friday and into hospital next week., It's 2.5 cms, grade 2 stage 3 and they want to do more aspirations & an MRI and bloodtests friday as the lobes under my arm are still suspicious and they had a false negatice (apparently this can happen three times until they take one out anyway. They have to check whether...
Rainy, windy Monday morning, blowing a gale up here on the mountain - almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the phone ring last evening, thought it might be the hospital, but.........hey it was Sunday evening...just proves how much this lady in waiting is n e r v o u s !
I'll do today, what I always do when I'm cross or upset or nervous and that is; clean things! Got my brown paper bag at the ready to stop panic attacks :-) and going to get dressed in a moment and begin chasing spiders around...
A little apprehensive this afternoon as Monday draws near - knowing in my heart that my game plan will not really be acceptable to the hospital - but there has to be compromise - I won't be bullied.
First I want to see if there are any Mets (Metastasis) because of the cysts or whatever they are in my liver and kidneys and a growing discomfort with something in my neck etc... - BUT of course, this could all turn out to be stress - so then, we will leave it up to the docs - but I will not be...
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