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Today my brother came up from London. Dad told him the news in the car once he picked him up. You could tell by his eyes. He had an hour to take the news in. We went in to see Grandma who is on oxgyen today. She smiled and her eye lit up, that was lovely. Simon held her hand. He started to cry and asked me to go out the room with him. I was gone too. I had 2 days more to come to terms but he didnt have that time. He is fine now. His girlfriend is coming up tomorrow to see her. I think tomorrow Simon...
We got good news and bad at my post op check up.
Tumour was 25mm grade 3 and because of that I have to have Chemo.
Clear margins and no spread to nodes which is very positive news.
Had decided in my head that I wasent going ot have chemo, I have had long hair all my life and the though of losing it fills me with total dread, I know its not logical but thats me.
Also still have massive brusing and and some swelling which is uncomfortable when I try and sleep.
Bickering with my husband too as...
I can't see anyone today. My head is in a really dark and angry place. Woke up feeling furiously angry....don't know who or what with. That's interspersed with periods of heartbroken sobbing....my chest hurts with the effort, not that I care really. Mom asked if I wanted her to come round, said she could if she wanted but warned her I was in a bad mood and don't really want to see anyone, so quite wisely she didn't. My daughter's due back from her Dad's tomorrow having been there...
Before my transplant I wondered and worried about how I would cope, assuming I survived, which I did.
While in recovery I thought more about how I am coping and wanted to try to put words to the feelings, behaviours and thoughts so when I needed to cope (as it turns out over and over) I could look back and use it as sort of a prompt.
I share it with all of you not as an answer, but as one way to think about coping.
Your feedback would be warmly welcome.
Sally
These past 5 weeks we have had some real downs, bad headaches, pain in the chest, not going to the loo, feeling sick, falling asleep,not being able to do anything. We have bickered becuase I ask how he feels and he says "like sh.." which I say is no use to tell the emergency services if I needed them. Any carer will know where I am coming from here.
During his treatment time, my 40 year old nephew who had been in remission for 17 years from Leukemia then got unrelated, liver cancer and within...
The big day is finaly here after weeks of planing!A tribute to you mum........i wish you was here to reasure me that what im doing is right.Through my life it has been you who has always been there to love cuddle and reasure me that the things i did were right but now your no longer with me i just have to live in hope that all the good and special things that were in your heart live on through me.you was such a special lady and i want to give you and all our family and friends a night to remember,reminissing...
It's that feeling you get in your chest, that tight, breath sucking feeling thats the worst. Or maybe it s the uncontrollable crying, crying with no sound - just pain. I lost my mum to Breast Cancer in a blink of an eye. I had just finished Uni and mum had just retired. Things were looking good. I think I was a bad daughter, I wasn't there for her enough when she needed me. My mum deserved so much better that me. She deserved so much better than all of us. My grandmother died last December...
My Grandma is 80, a life long smoker and has Lung cancer. She has been unwell for months, getting colds and unable to shake them off. She is an active lady. Now seeing her so small and frail.....
After being told she had a chest infection, she was taken into hospital last Saturday. On Sunday night a doctor told her she had shadows on her lungs. She was given a CT Scan Tuesday and the news was given yesterday. My Dad, Auntie (his sister) and my Mum went into see the doctor. She has Lung Cancer, spots...
I am just back from the Casualty Department...it's the same Hospital where you are still lying in the morgue - what a cruel and awful thought. I have a chest infection (I think) and lay in bed unable to sleep and with a growing inability to breathe. At 2.45am I gave up to the growing fear that I had pneumonia and was going to die and off I took myself. Nobody really there but still waited ages to be seen. Started to get pins and needles round my face, mouth, hands and feet. The Nurse took me to...
So now it's just over 48 hours since you left....I struggle to write 'died'....and I am living in a world I no longer recognise. I trail along for some time managing to cope - then I 'crash' without warning. I came across some photos of you today which I hadn't expected to see - crash. I watched a short video clip of us with Mom and my daughter on a day out about 3 years ago....such a happy, fun day - crash. A glimpse of you when you had just passed over flashed into my head...
