...well let's face it, it couldn't be any worse than yesterday could it? I was thankful to wake up without that 'shock' feeling or just overwhelming darkness. I woke feeling as near to 'normal' as I have been for a long, long time. There have been moments throughout the day when the tears have welled....but for the most part I have managed to blink them away. I'm not seeking to deny my grief but…
I can't see anyone today. My head is in a really dark and angry place. Woke up feeling furiously angry....don't know who or what with. That's interspersed with periods of heartbroken sobbing....my chest hurts with the effort, not that I care really. Mom asked if I wanted her to come round, said she could if she wanted but warned her I was in a bad mood and don't really want to see anyone, so quite wisely she…
I am just back from the Casualty Department...it's the same Hospital where you are still lying in the morgue - what a cruel and awful thought. I have a chest infection (I think) and lay in bed unable to sleep and with a growing inability to breathe. At 2.45am I gave up to the growing fear that I had pneumonia and was going to die and off I took myself. Nobody really there but still waited ages to be seen. Started to…
So now it's just over 48 hours since you left....I struggle to write 'died'....and I am living in a world I no longer recognise. I trail along for some time managing to cope - then I 'crash' without warning. I came across some photos of you today which I hadn't expected to see - crash. I watched a short video clip of us with Mom and my daughter on a day out about 3 years ago....such a happy, fun…
I got 'the phone call' from the Hospital at 9.45pm tonight....raced to get Mom round to look after my daughter and then raced to the Hospital. Got to the Ward at 10.14pm....2 minutes too late....can you believe it? You were still warm as I hugged and kissed you and my tears soaked your face....I just couldn't believe you were really actually dead.
I'm gutted, so gutted I wasn't there to hold your hand as you…
