I am just back from the Casualty Department...it's the same Hospital where you are still lying in the morgue - what a cruel and awful thought. I have a chest infection (I think) and lay in bed unable to sleep and with a growing inability to breathe. At 2.45am I gave up to the growing fear that I had pneumonia and was going to die and off I took myself. Nobody really there but still waited ages to be seen. Started to get pins and needles round my face, mouth, hands and feet. The Nurse took me to Triage - blood pressure fine, oxygen levels fine, temperature normal.
A panic attack. How absolutely pathetic of me.
They were very nice and suggested I wait to see a Dr who might be able to give me a nebuliser but my breathing slowly became bearable (in the 1.5hrs I was waiting). In the end I decided to give up and go home....didn't look like I was about to die before my GP opens in the morning. Of course, I started crying - again.
I'm falling to pieces. I really don't think I can cope with this. It's only been 2 days since you died...how am I going to live the rest of my life like this?
I haven't really slept for ages either and I think I am slowly going insane.
Good job my daughter is staying with her Father for a few days...I can't look after myself at the moment let alone her...sigh.
I know you would hate to see me like this but I simply don't know how to pull myself together. Me, Miss Capable - totally not coping with this at all.
Please Daddy, find a way to help me - I don't think I can do this without your help...I love you and miss you so much and I can't stop crying. Oh my Daddy.
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