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I do know sometimes that you mind,
Yet I’m not leaving you behind,
Just joined a new club, Cancer Friends,
For sticky moments and sad ends,
To talk to, without burdening you,
To ask the tricky questions to…
I know you care, I know you’re there,
I try to smile, some hope to share.
Who laughs at pills and ultrasound,
Or side effects? What’s more I’ve found,
The others in this club you see,
Don’t need brave faces, sympathy,
They value time and hope and...
Hey mum.
Things aren't great right now. As usual.
Talked to Dad on Friday, I don't know if you were there. It was so hard mum. We finally talked about the 'thing' and I got to tell him some stuff I'd been feeling for a while, remember our conversations mum we use to have? Well I finally did it.
Conversation wasn't particularly nice. Dad told me explicitly that if it wasn't for me and Em he'd be dead. He wanted to go with you. I think we all knew that deep down but probably...
Hey mum,
Just a quick one today, just wanted to let you know that I haven't stopped thinking about you this weekend. I keep seeing your face everywhere. I miss you so much mum.
Me and dad had a huge cry together on Friday. He told me some stuff about what you both went through together. It was hard. I haven't processed it properly yet though so I'm not going to say anything about it.
I miss you mum.
Dad's running out of faith mum you need to go and see him if you can find a way....
Hey mum,
God it feels like it's been so long since I last sent you a message, so much has been happening and I hope you've been around to see.
I miss you today mum I think that's why I'm here. I'm really starting to feel that you're not here. All the time. I keep seeing little white feathers everywhere and wonder if you sent them for me. I look for signs from you everywhere but I just don't seem to get them anymore.
Dutton's been so amazing recently mum especially yesterday...
I feel like everything's going wrong mum. I need you.
I keep fucking things up and I made Nana cry and ruined the big christmas meal thing and I keep getting things wrong in work and getting pulled into the office and I'm trying so hard but I just keep forgetting things and getting things wrong.
I feel like I'm pissing everyone off but it's all in my head and Im just being over sensitive but I can't be sure.
I'm trying to get Dutton more involved but he's STILL struggling to...
Hey mum,
Last night we went out for a meal with Dutton's mum and dad. It was hard. I was tired and stressed and anxious for some reason. As soon as I got there for some unknown reason, I got really upset because I realised that I was never again going to have a chance to go for a meal with you.
I'll never get to take you out. I'll never get to go for a meal with you or go shopping or take you out for a drink. It hit me like a train and at one point I couldn't even look at his mum without starting...
Hey mum.
Today is shit. I feel rubbish. The sun is shining but it means nothing. There's nothing but rain clouds in my head today. I'm being so over sensitive and cranky and I just want everybody to leave me alone.
I've been using carecalendar.org to try and co-ordinate my visitors. It's free for individuals, and you can make a donation if you want to. It's a good way to try and co ordinate friends, This is what their website says.....
"What is CareCalendar? CareCalendar is a web based system to organize meals and other help for families during a time of illness or life changing event, such as the birth of a baby or death of a family member.
Simply list the help that is needed and your...
Today I attended the funeral of a friend and colleague who has died of cancer of the womb. She was diagnosed in October after she had gone in for a hysterectomy. So sad that she was so close to retirement but never got to achieve all her wishes and hopes for the future. Carpe diem! RIP Fiona
Sadly my Dad passed away on the 12th February 2014. He went peacefully in his sleep and free from pain. I shall miss him greatly but I am glad he is free from suffering now. RIP Dad
