Hi everyone.
So today I had mum come over for coffee which was so great as she hardly has time to get away from dad. We talked about all the big things like funeral and housing plans when it's just mum and my young brother. It was very emotional but much needed. I've found one of the hardest things is treading carefully with mum as not to add pressure so I've refrained from bringing up funerals and big things.
It however was a extremely honest tearful conversation which was so good for us both. I talked to her about how I avoid seeing them everyday as I have a habit of avoiding what hurts. Every time I see dad I see more changes and there is always a new worry to add to the fast growing list. But I have to accept I am going to naturally feel sad seeing him but I know if I don't make the most of him now when he is gone I will regret all of that.
I think exceptence that each family member will deal with it all differently from the other. My mums positive I'm more pessimistic and my brother is quiet. But none of us are dealing with it wrong just in our own ways.
One of the best things I did about a month ago was write a letter about all the amazing memories and amazing life lessons he has taught me. Things I love about him.things I see in myself that are him. I thought maybe a couple of pages but 9 pages later and an aching wrist I was happy and content that if dad did pass I had let him know all I needed him to know from my heart.
I hope you are all coping ok.
Dad is doing a bit better today...it's a bit of a roller coaster. Up and down all the time.
Take care Hannah
