Well we're half way there, third chemo session was Friday just gone and to be honest it could have gone better but then again I don't suppose OH helped himself by drinking a bottle of red the night before. Completely wiped him out this time but as usual up and at work on Saturday, which is fine but when he crashes there's only me to pick up the pieces.
OH had a bit of a reaction on Friday to one of the drugs so a slight worry and looked close to tears all the way through. Under protest I left him and went to check on work and then the stress really started - I don't understand what people expect from him I really don't. In four weeks of treatment he's had two half days off so I don't expect to be faced with total panic over one job that really doesn't matter, it can be re-booked, it's not the end of the world and so to have our service advisor start playing the blame game that OH hadn't writted down that the job was wanted for 1.30pm was a step too far, after telling her I couldn't give a flying ****, just re-book it, she'd not asked how he was and I hadn't even got through the door before the problems came flying my way, I left. Sadly our supplier got both barrels when I got there to sort it out because he was nice to me, which then let the tears flow, in his office, in front of his customers.
Maybe it's because M doesn't look ill that people have had enough of the patience game, maybe they just expect that the fact he has cancer and has to have this awful treatment has now slipped their minds because he's not being sick all over the place and looks 'normal' they think that he's not having any side effects at all, it wouldn't be so bad but our service advisor has been through this with her husband and he had six months off work so I think I expected better of her.
And I don't want to listen to one more customer tell me their cancer story, their general illness story or anything that requires empathy, sympathy or understanding. I've had customers crying in the office over M's diagnosis and I'm now tired of making other people feel better. And not one of them asks how I am either.
I went to the doctors on Wednesday as I keep having hot flushes and stomach pain etc and with his white blood count being virtually non existent I don't want to take the chance of me being ill. I spent the entire consultation talking about how M was, what side effects he either did or did not have and how well he was doing to be at work etc etc. On my way out the pearl of wisdom was 'you'll be ok it's probably anxiety' - really, that's it is it? This without asking what my symptoms actually were and how I felt in myself and truth be told I feel crap, exhausted and about ready to break, but never mind I'm a bit anxious. Can't think why? Any ideas?
S-I-L is still being completely useless, thinks everything's funny, even down to the hospital ringing when we'd got home on Friday to say that actually he did need the WBC injections and could I come back on Monday to collect them and learn how to administer them, doesn't instil confidence once more, but let's all have a laugh at the incompetence, it's only her brother and my husband and his life, laugh on we must! Her best pearl of wisdom was that maybe I needed some support - well yes you moron, try having a conversation with me where you don't reduce evrything to farce and maybe I'd feel a bit better.
Next door and the little girl from hell are still ringing the door bell at every available opportunity, M answered yesterday to Grandma asking how he was, so being a man he says 'fine' and her answer was....I wish I was I'm really ill! Priceless, she has nothing wrong with her that a good meal and some backbone wouldn't sort out by the way.
So another week and more lessons learnt that generally people are rubbish until one suprises you, I spoke with a friend on Wednesday and we had a chat about how hard it is looking after someone 24/7 and she is also being touched by cancer at the moment and struggling with her son's reaction to the news, the next day she sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers to work, just to cheer me up, still makes go a bit teary days later that someone would do that for me out of the blue, so I suppose not everyone should be tarred with the same brush but the good ones need to clone themselves and come and help us all instead of those who trot out the trite crap they think will make us feel better and then disappearing,
Take care all patients, carers and everyone else out there, we'll fight another day xxx
