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I had no idea where to put this, as it doesn't really fit into any of the groups on site. But then, I guess I don't really fit into any one group on site.
Today is a bad day.
I was all geared up for yesterday, expecting to be called by the Hysteroscopy nurse to tell me how we are going to proceed with treating the womb cancer and what my biopsy showed - but she never called. So I'm still in limbo, not sure what's going on inside of me and with no plan on how to fix it. ...
It has been two months since I last posted. I have been going for my lymphatic drainage massages every Friday. I feel so blessed to be alive and well. This week will be my last session and I will miss the conversation I had with the specialist for that hour I am relaxing in her bed. Back at work things were not as I imagined but all will be sorted in time. When I was diagnosed I never felt like a victim and now after mastectomy I don't feel like a victim. I look at my scars and see life. To me it...
So after losing mum to Gallbladder cancer just over a month ago my life has been devastated
We finally got to have her funeral last Tuesday after such a long wait and the day went without any hitches and mum would have been proud.
Up to Tuesday I was some what holding it together and wasn't sure how but once I was standing there in the chapel this sense of doom came over me
My mum was gone
My best friend
My person
She was never coming back and that is something I am struggling...
Met with mum's doctor today . Although they are still waiting for some results from all the tests, today they confirmed what we had already guessed, that there is little they can do for mum other than keep her comfortable. Whilst upsetting, it's not a shock. We are due to meet palliative care team to discuss care etc, but a move to a hospice is on the cards. I know some people have strong feelings about being at home, but in my heart I am happy that mum had chosen this.
So, this all started back in January when after having what I thought was an enlarged gland in my neck after a virus!
I used google!
Not to diagnose myself but to ask when should I see a doctor?? You see, I'm not one for doctors. I rarely ever go, and avoid as much as possible. I don't like 'wasting their time'! Anyway, as I had had the lump for longer than 6 weeks, it suggested I should get it checked out.
I finally got an appointment at my docs for Feb 6th without telling anyone...
Wasn't intending on visiting today, but in the end I couldn't stop away. My brother went too, mum always seems chirpier when he's there. I joke and say it's favouritism, she saves her good days for him. Truth is I think she puts a brave face on for him, she knows how he is. He's not coping well, he's always been a sensitive sole, and is so protective of mum.
The nurse in charge spoke to us today, she is very concerned about fluid build up. Mum's been on a drip several...
Mum didn't want me to bring the lads to visit her today, she thought it best for them to stay at home. They haven't seen her in ages, and I fear that they will not see her ever again. But this was what mum wanted, she doesn't want them seeing her how she is.
She was sitting on her chair, still on a drip and still had the catheter. She was very down, lots of emotions coming out. She told me that she can't cope with the pain... 'they' don't know what to do with her.... she's scared...
Another early post. I'll be able to make early visiting today so there may be a 13th April part 2.
Struggling again today, i'ts been 2 weeks since the heartbreaking news. I've heard so may people in the past say that they have lost loved ones just weeks after being diagnosed, as few as 3 weeks I remember from one friend. We're 2 weeks in so that's constantly on mind. It's my birthday in 4 weeks time, will mum still be here? I can't think past today so I'll put that to the back of my mind....
So I will apologise in advance, this post may get removed by admin for breaching advertising guidelines (which actually means you won’t be reading this, so I am not sure why I am apologising....!)
Anyway, this time I want to talk about Panini World Cup stickers. Now, ok, I hear you say, but Greg, your profile suggests you are 39 years old - what, did you really do that badly at school - is that why you are doing something which is clearly designed for an 8 year old?
Well, I do have...
Not having a good day. I’m still getting lots of pain in my left buttock and leg. So much so that I now have a pronounced limp. The painkillers I’m on (Amitriptyline and Gabapentin) have cured to a great extent the pelvic pain I was getting (I still get the odd reminder however) but haven't touched my left leg. I went to the pain clinic yesterday. The doctor pushed and prodded me for a good while, lifting my legs and pushing my pelvis. From my cries of pain He diagnosed that I would need a steroid...
