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Sleepless nights have been creeping up on me for the last week or so - tonight it seems to have caught me. Sleepless nights frighten me for many reasons, more so now because of the thoughts that fill my mind and allow me time to listen to my body.
Last November I had 4 consecutive nights with no sleep - I was prescribed Lorazapam 1/2 a little blue tablets before bed - oh how they helped me - knocked me out. I also started to see the faith healer who was based in the hospital, she gave me a CD -...
I understand that it's really hard for people to find the right words when you tell them you have cancer. I suppose there aren't any "right words" but I'm getting really tired of people saying stupid stuff to me that really doesn't help.
For example currently I'm enrolled in a 1 year pre degree course and today everyone on our course got our letters telling us whether we got in or not. Unfortunatly I was one of the people who didn't get in. So my friend comes up to me and...
I'll spend my life regretting, the things we could of done.
I know I feel so lonely, yet I'm not the only one.
I carry the pain inside me, the part of you not here.
I was hoping one day that part would heal.
I cannot hide my pain anymore, or seem to let you go.
I cannot seem to function right, without you anymore.
A part of me died with you, it will never be the same.
But one thing that's true is my love will always remain.
You helped me grow in life and made me who I am.
You were such...
19th December.. It was surreal.. I barely slept... To be honest, I was numb. I had a shower, I got dressed to realize I'd left my shoes at home, I had to wear my converse. I wore a shirt and tie.. Inside I could hear you telling me how smart I looked.. and sorting my tie for me.
When we got to your house, everyone was there and in good spirits. I was in the dining room with Claudia when I turned, everything was quiet... I walked outside.. everyone was crying and heads down. I looked properly...
We'll meet again.. don't know where, don't know when.. but I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
I often think of you in the day, I dream of you at night.
The fact you're not here, it's really not right.
I hate myself sometimes for how things could have been.
The things we could of done, the places we could of seen,
I miss you more, yet seem to cope.
Yet still I feel so alone.
how awful life is. I have just poured my heart out on this page describing how bad I feel and how excluded I feel by the companionable posts in the bereaved spouse group - a failing on my part rather than the others I feel sure. All that I had written simply disappeared and this seems utterly in line with how my life goes at the moment.
I have lost so many words since Colin died, I know there's a word for what I want to say but it has become lost in my addled brain. I have so many questions...
My husband was admitted to hospital three weeks ago after suffering from a cough that he had had for 4 wks. I made an appointment for the GP who prescribed him some antibiotics and asked him to go to the walk in x-ray clinic.
After the x-ray, the radiographer followed him out and said we had to go straight to A & E because there was fluid on his lung. In A & E we saw the doctor who asked him if he had ever been in contact with asbestos. Neither of us could think of of any contact. I saw the x-ray...
Sitting in an armchair with tthe notebook on my lap.. About every 4 to five minutes I get a butterlfy feeling in my stomach and across my shoulders, followed by a tingling in both legs and my arms.
Any one have aNY ides/
i SEE THE CONSULTANT ON 18TH which FOLLOWS A MRI scan on 6th July
Interesting to see how PVC has worked,
David E
