I understand that it's really hard for people to find the right words when you tell them you have cancer. I suppose there aren't any "right words" but I'm getting really tired of people saying stupid stuff to me that really doesn't help.
For example currently I'm enrolled in a 1 year pre degree course and today everyone on our course got our letters telling us whether we got in or not. Unfortunatly I was one of the people who didn't get in. So my friend comes up to me and asks whether I got a place or not...when I told her I didn't her reply was "Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway I mean this is nothing compared to your 'other' news. You really need to spend this time concentrating and focusing on getting better." Just because I now have cancer doesn't mean I didn't want that place just as much as anyone else did. But not only that, the way she said it was as if she was telling me that somehow I can "think" my cancer better. How I wish it were that easy!
The other thing that's annoying is how nosy people can be. A girl who I don't really talk to came up to me and started bombarding me with questions trying to find out why I was upset. When I eventually told her, her response was "Oh, oh well I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." and walked off...she got her gossip and didn't care about anything else.
I still haven't told a lot of people and part of me really doesn't want to. I like the happy bubble it provides. It means I can pretend for a bit longer that I didn't get this news last week. But sooner or later everyone is going to know and what am I going to do then? So far all of the people I have told look at me differently. It's like I'm a bomb thats about to go off or something. Whenever we're talking I can see the pity in there eyes...or they'll start to talk about their own problems and then trail off into an awkward silence which says "Why am I babbeling on about my problems when she's got cancer?"
I haven't even told my family. How am I supposed to tell my family? Sit them down and say..."I've got something serious to tell you.." they'll probably all think I'm pregnant.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to look them in the eyes and tell them I might be dying. I mean thats not something a kid should ever have to tell their parents (and seeing as my parents aren't together I'm going to have to find the strength to do it twice). It was hard enough telling a few of my friends and some people at school. But my family....well I'll let you know how it goes, if I ever manage to build up the courage to tell them.
