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I'm in an emotional place similar to the one I found myself in when my Dad died: there is this briefest moment of relief when you wake up and there is no emotional pain what so ever... Then those few seconds get destroyed because 'you remember' that life has now changed and the pain comes flooding in.
This is the background...
The last few weeks have been hell. Six weeks ago I was admitted into hospital with severe abdominal pain, they presumed gallstones and I felt like the biggest wimp...
It's been a while since my last post due to a time of reflection needed as to where I am and where I am going. The fantastic news is that I am well on the mend with no sign of the cancer returning, eating well and back at work part time for now. I still have a dry mouth at night which means broken sleep but my saliva glands try their best during the day reducing the need for constant and incessant gargling. Over past month my food intake has improved greatly. From soup and scrambled egg I have...
Nov 1st was the 4th anniversary of my diagnosis. I felt a bit queasy when I realised what the date was, but then I congratulated myself on lasting this long. I'm determined to make the five years at least, even though I'm not disease-free and never will be.
The week of radiotherapy passed very easily. In fact it was a bit like a holiday. I quite enjoy staying at the hotel, there was time to go sightseeing, visit galleries, and indulge in some retail therapy. I bought a slinky leopard print...
Mum lost her second battle a year ago tomorrow, I can't believe it's gone by so fast. I'm dreading tomorrow if I'm honest as I wish she was still her. I'm not working tomorrow but the rest of my family are, yes we are having some fireworks to mark her death and a bonfire which is what she would of wanted.
Most post it's say it gets easier, which yes it does, I think I've been very lucky as it's only this time of year where all the 1st anniversaries are, her birthday in sept...
My other brother made a surprise visit today so we picked Mum up and went for a Sunday lunchtime drink in our favorite pub. The one Rob and I went to quite a lot before the big C happened. I was sat for quite a while before I realized the lady sitting nearby with her son and husband was bald. My thoughts went to cancer immediately and chemotherapy and hair loss, I am really frightened. I knew mum and brother had seen but weren't saying I also knew Rob hadn't seen. I spend time wondering if he will...
I feel like I've really begun to turn the corner now, and the biggest factor in this is the improvement in my eating. The steroids have definitely improved my appetite, and I seem to be hungry all the time! I'm also managing to eat a much wider range of foods. I can chew on the side that still has teeth, and my swallowing has improved. Stuff does sometimes get a little wedged, but a discrete coughing it back up and a bit more chewing and a drink of water does the trick.
The left had side...
My cancer has returned. and they are going to take my bladder away and I will have a bag. they have even given me a practice one to wear. I must fill It with water too so that I can get used to emptying It and walking about with It.....sleeping with It. I will do It. I will get used to It. I now have a growth In my chest. they are watching It. saying It Isn't getting any bigger. I never ever thought I of all people would end up In later life suffering this type of Illness. I've always been fit...
