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Originally published 22/4/13
Speech and language saw me today for the first time, not much help really, I've had enough of "you're doing so well on your own" and to be honest it feels a bit like I'm the only one that's trying here.
Once again, I have to be patient, let things heal and then the work can start. I guess this is fair enough, but I really want to get back to my old self now not in six months time.
I do wonder how close I will get, how long it will take for me to...
Originally published 21/4/13
My recovery from that massive operation continues, I find I can cope with the purée food better and generally I am feeling more like my old self.
Speech is a worry, I slur and slurp my way through speech, often having to repeat myself. Everyone says my speech is coming along well, but as usual that's not enough for me. In my head I understand that the cancer has taken my old voice, my heart just wants me to be the same as before.
The other worry is, have we...
Originally published 21/4/13
Where to start? Perhaps a summary of events today;
Kids came to visit
Feeding tube "lost" by consultant
Clips out
Stitches out
All but 1 dressing removed
Managed to escape (with consultants blessing) outside of hospital for an hour!
Woah, I mean, Woah what's been the highlight? Has to be the kids, first time they visited is still had drains and feeding tube and looked rather like Frankenstein when I walked.
The teenager (you know who you are!) Has been up often...
Originally published 19/4/13
It has impressed me how much difference a good nights sleep can make. I'd not really noticed that my sleep was bad, but until last night I think. I must have only been sleeping for 50% of the night.
A certain despondence had settled on me yesterday, to be honest, I had found eating much more difficult than I had expected. Not sure what my expectations were, but obviously they were higher than reasonable in the given circumstances. perhaps I just expect a lot from...
Originally published 18/4/13
After some great improvements today has been less about making strides and more about small steps. I have found this incredibly annoying and frustrating.
My task for the day was to start a "soft" diet, having managed with liquids fairly well yesterday today I was needed to try some soft foods. Well I tried but didn't do as well as I would have liked, my major problem is working out where in my mouth the food actually is. My mouth is pretty numb still, although some...
Originally published 17/4/13
Its funny, recovering in hospital, as you do, what brings the most pleasures. As my surgical recovery progresses well then I find more of my little dignities coming back. This is a very nice feeling.
I don't think that I really knew how important my independence was to me until I lost most of it. My aches and pains diminish so I don't take much pain relief now - a really nice break from recent months - my mobility improves as the swelling in my neck and jaw goes....
Originally published 16/4/13
Its been a slow, contemplative day today. It has shuffled along rather than raced. Bit like me perhaps.
God but waiting is SLOW. I have to wait for everything, my surgery has made much movement delicate processes of balancing achievements against requirements. A twist just so brings my kindle into view but pain radiates across my neck and shoulders and I have to get up, collect the damned drains and feeding machine up and make sure the tubes aren't tangled and twisted...
Originally Published 15/4/13
I don't really know how to start this one, today has been another filled with visits from family and friends which make the long and boring routine survivable.
What's hardest is that I can't do much, tubes and bottles and machines being plumbed in. I'm down a drain today, which was not painful (which I had feared). I mean the nurses here are just wonderful, they check on me so often and will help with the smallest thing. But down that road lies the royal loss all...
Originally published 14/4/13
Today has been a great day, after nearly a week since I am looking forward at life again. It has been hard working band dealing with things after having a virtually instant diagnosis from my consultant to the biopsy and scans and the final scale of the cancer being revealed to be probably not just in my tongue but also in the lymph nodes.
I had fully twenty hours of surgery and the anaesthetic recovery was bad. I couldn't sleep or rest because of a drug fuelled psychosis...
A lot better today, still feel slightly nauseaous, but no where near as bad as the past couple of days. I'm thinking maybe this is something I just need to get used to and expect each month. To be honest a couple of days, although I felt really unwell, are bearable in the long term.
Thanks for the wishes and comments, they are appreciated.
Billy
