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Hi All
Feeling a little guilt after my good news i was so happy and shared it with the world and his wife about my treatment finishing on christmas eve .
But after any high there is a low
Its now that i feel guilty because i know that there are people who are dreading this season ,people who will feel so alone in a room full of family and friends because a special someone isn't there ,for the ones who will wake up in an empty house with a empty heart ,for the ones who will be caring for a love...
I cannot beleive although people have told me how poor the care from NHS and cancer services can be and how much you have to fight for a bit of dignity.
Yesterday I had a 20 minutes non-conversation with a speicialist worker in a specialist cancer hospital with her telling me how many calls they had - I pointed out I wasn't interested in her workload but they had promise dsomeone would call round and this hadn't happened and wasn't going to according to her - but they hadn't bothered telling us...
My wonderful dad passed away this morning at 10. 35. I dont know what to say. I feel numb. My life over the last 9 months was about helping my dear dad.now that has ended I feel a massive big void in my life. Dad you suffered so much in the last 10 weeks of life that im glad you are at peace and not suffering anymore.Now Im back at home I miss him more than ever. My husband and children have been wonderful but I still miss you daddy. You will never be forgotten all my Love teresa xxx
Well its official im a miserable cow at the moment , i know i have good reason but i hate feeling like this and thought blogging might help ,
I was expecting it but i got a stroppy phonecall from a family member last night asking why i hadnt put ju,s name in a xmas card (we have had this before ,they want me to pretend to someone that ju is still with us ) well im sorry i cant do it , it just breaks my heart ,i would do anything to have him back as i told them but once again they just wont understand...
dad was complaining of a sore throat sept/oct last yr.after many visits to drs finally we got a ENT appointment feb this yr..turned out to be cancer of the larnyx..trachy procedure carried out then further larnygectomy march...thyroid,lymph nodes and voicebox removal carried out..after brief stay on cancer ward..20 days of RT..few overnight visits to various depts at hospital..good work undone by incompetence,poor training.
noticed change in dads behaviour nov ...sent for further tests...eeg to be...
yesterday i spent all day as an inpatient in the london hospital took 9 hours till i eventually went into theatre for a biopsy....they lost my notes so couldnt operate until someone in barts found them ........unfortunately for me Barts have lost them so i ended up being a casualty of someones incompetence ......was so stressed out and eventually got home at 8 pm 13 hours later and they had done my biopsy without my notes anyway!!! Hadnt eaten by then for nearly 24 hours and the nurse in the day patient...
steve had his funeral yesterday 17/12/10 the service was lovely had a big turn out. lots of people came to buriel too. i lost it a bit, but it was expected,. found it hard to leave the grave,. but i did him proud. and he is at peace. went back to grave this morning to pick up cards( got los,t found it eventally) as i was too upset yesterday, they were covered in snow, but look ok now. just waiting for brochure for headstone. then we can feel that it will be easier to visit to talk, weep laugh or just...
i dont know how i feel tonight im angry and upset.i had the dog out for his last walk of the night when I bumped into an idiot in the street that didnt know about my dad . He didnt believe a word that came from my mouth and i ended up shouting at him what kind of person does he think i am to make up such a horrible thing that my dad died. then he said to me it was your boy that wasnt well and i said yes thats true then he said i wouldnt have shown my face if all that happened to me. When i said to...
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