Cancer diagnosis and unsupportive partner and mother

Hey there Soup, 

Welcome to the forum, though I'm sorry you have to be here. 

I can sort of sympathise with the crap partner. When I was first diagnosed he got a bit distant then dumped me, stating he didn't want to be with someone who was sick. So that was that, after we'd been together for a year. 

Now, this might be tough to hear, but right now you need to do what's best for you, and you need to look after yourself. It's not just because of the cancer diagnosis, but also your depression. One of those is tough enough to deal with by itself, now you've got both. So, my suggestion would be to ask your partner for a break. Tell him you both need time to come to terms with what's going on, and that you need to be positive at the moment. You've enough emotions of your own to untangle, and you can't help him untangle his at the same time. From what you've said above, you've given him the power to decide what to do for him, but really you need to be a little bit selfish just now and do what's best for you.

In regards to your mother, do you have to live with her? Do you have the means to get a place of your own? Or are their friends or another family member you could move in with for a bit at least, just to give yourself some breathing room? 

You've always got the forum here, now you've found us, to chat on when you need to. Just to point out that Macmillan also have a helpline you can call if you need to speak to people. I'd also recommend popping into your local Macmillan/Robert Ogden/Maggie's Centre to see what they have on offer by way of support or social groups or complementary therapies etc. And of course, as I'm sure you're aware, there's always the Samaritans as well for any time of the day or night if you just need someone to talk to.

Lass

Xx

Thanks for responding.  I don't have a choice but to live with my mum right now as I'm a full time student and I don't have a job. The whole situation sucks I know I need to look out for myself I just don't want a 4 year relationship thrown down the drain but I have to do what's right for me. 

Hello

You say '4 year relationship down the drain' and I read 'rest of your life with a guy who's just not worth it'. 

Cancer can be good for sorting the men from the boys - or the snakes from the unicorns. if a guy can't handle a highly treatable cancer like thyroid cancer, I wouldn't want him in my corner if something really major came along later - like a sick kid, a repossessed home, a major illness or bankruptcy. 

I'm not saying you should throw him out but it's time for him to show you that he's worth keeping - not for you to put up with this kind of nonsense on top of dealing with your illness.

Cancer can make or break relationships in all sorts of ways.

Thanks that actually makes me feel alot better. It's very true what your saying if he can't handle this then he's not gonna be able to handle anything else like your examples. Think I'm gonna have to talk to him and make him listen whether he wants to or not he can't just keep ignoring me or the subject. 

My husband has been my rock and when I was first diagnosed he told me he’d be there every step of the way and he has been. I couldn’t have got through the last six months without him. I’m saying this because you need people around you that are supportive. If they are not you will need to find that support elsewhere. But having said that maybe they are also finding the diagnosis hard to deal with? There are support organisations that will help you all through it. You need to talk as the journey ahead is hard enough without worrying about others. Wishing you the best outcome