My dad has prostate cancer which has metastasised and now he has bone disease in his spine and hip. He struggles with walking and is in a lot of pain constantly.
I'm 30 and live at home and care for him with my mum, but I also have a full time job. It all just fell on me which is fine and I wouldn't feel comfortable someone else doing it. But it's so hard to juggle caring for him and working. I go to all of his appointment and participate in all.his medical calls.
My mum isn't the most supportive, they've never had a good relationship, she helps with certain things but most of the time he will come to me as preference due to their relationship.
I'm barely scraping by at work, thankfully I have understanding managers but I feel like I'm doing such a terrible job and work and it's making me resentful of this situation. My dad will call on me at anytime, regardless if I'm in a meeting or not so I have to drop everything to help him, even for menial things, but I feel guilty if I don't do them immediately for him.
My dad also is still smoking and due to his lack of mobility, he keeps forcing himself downstairs to smoke as we won't allow smoking upstairs. This makes me feel extremely guilty for not letting him smoke upstairs but I don't want to risk mine and my mother's health.
I feel so guilty for being resentful and keep trying to think so many others have it so much worse.
I'm not eating from stress, everytime he needs me for something or is in pain, I get mentally exhausted and the stress takes over. I put on a smiley face all the time but once I'm in my room, I'm a zombie.
I think I just needed to vent, he doesn't seem to be getting better, I think it's going to get harder for everyone. The stress is overwhelming. Stress and guilt are constantly circling me.
Not sure how to do the right thing in this situation or how to accept it.
Hi
I'm sorry to read that your dad is struggling with pain and that you're finding it hard to cope with everything at the moment. Has your dad had his pain medication reviewed recently as it may need tweaking?
It does sound like you're going through a very hard time trying to juggle working, life and caring for your dad. I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you join the very supportive carers only group where you can chat to other carers who'll know exactly what you're going through.
If you'd like to do this clicking on the link I've created will take you straight there where you can join and post in the same way as you did here.
You might also benefit from taking a look at this information from Macmillan on looking after someone with cancer. It has lots of helpful information including information on what support is available for you.
Sending a virtual ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
