my mum has secondary breast cancer

Hi kik 

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

Sorry to hear about your mum, it is difficult when anyone is ill when we are not there but I see you talk about family so hopefully there are others who can provide her some support. Have you talked to student services at your university, they will likely be used to supporting students in similar circumstances.

For me it is my wife who has cancer, Leiomyosarcoma in her case. Something I found quite helpful was looking at your feelings when someone has cancer as being able to recognize those emotions and accept them as normal and valid helped me to be less overwhelmed. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve

thank you this was all really helpful, I have spoken to uni and they are aware and trying to organise things to put in place which is good news, I'm sorry to hear about your wife but I greatly appreciate the advice this has been really helpful to look at 

Hi Kik,

Don't have too much to add other than I'm in the same boat. My mum finished her treatment for primary breast cancer in 2025, but we've just been told they have found secondary breast cancer in her lung. I'm also living away from home and feel like my world is collapsing a little bit. It seems so unfair to still be recovering from the trauma of the first time round, to have to go through it all again!

Living away from home has brought up a real mix of guilt and anxiety, but so far I've found the best thing is to just try and be there for her emotionally as much as possible - calling her regularly, sending her funny things from instagram and really making space for her to talk about how she's feeling. I don't know if this is the same for your mum, but I think one of my mum's biggest worries is that me worrying about her diagnosis will ruin mine and my brother's 20s! I think that continuing to go out, experiencing new things and looking after ourselves, is incredibly comforting to my mum. It makes life feel more normal and less like cancer uprooting everything - despite it feeling like the opposite some days!!

It can be really hard to manage your own anxiety while also wanting to look after your mum's emotions, but at the moment, my focus is on trying to create happy, normal moments whenever I'm home. Making plans to do nice things that she can look forward to and where you can spend quality time together. 

For me, I'm also doing all I can when I go home to tidy the house, hoover, help her with housework etc. For me, this makes me feel like one less job for her to do and helps me channel some of the nerves into a practical checklist. My brother however, is taking the opposite approach - focusing on short walks, cups of tea, watching movies. I think there are merits to both approaches! Both offer her comfort in different ways. I am sure you will find your rhythm.

Sending best wishes to you and your family.