Struggling

Hi NellieJ,

I haven't done the moving furniture thing. If anything I can't change anything. I don't want him to think I'm trying to erase him. But everyone is different. I have done the angry at the world bit. Even though I am still a bit angry at the world. I'm cooking things at stupid times of night because I can't sleep. Crying I do a lot of that. I see couples together and I admit I'm jealous of what they have. I didn't think you could hurt as much as this. Steve was my whole purpose and now I don't feel like I have one.

Take care

Michelle. X 

Morning Michelle 

work the change I will get use too had problems with another driver when the work dropped off and I was left on artic because they load and I will deliver it all without moaning lol 

it takes time doing things by yourself I was up early  I had to go my shopping hate going later when couples are out  then got to drop my 90 old mum down town to get her hair done  don’t laugh I’m youngest of five and it gets me out of bed 

Diane was was my best friend we had two cocker spaniels they were my life they dogs were rehomed 

I will talk to customers and people at work  I don’t mention it now but try and put a brave face on even if I’m down 

after COVID socialise not sure I’m being honest I’m quite a shy person until I get to know people yes you can laugh again  but you can talk to me about 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Michelle
I just read your post being angry is ok try taking nytol tablet to sleep but I found Piroton hayfever tablets make you sleep and it’s good to cry  I found sleeping in the middle of the bed works you are not erasing them changing stuff you have all your memories of you both together it takes time one day at a time  I have not had a drink I decided happiness was not in the end of a bottle 

we are here for you  

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin, you have had a busy morning already. I'm just doing the usual household chores. Because Steve was a driver and used to deliver to us when we first met everyone knows him. He was a very respected person. And like you and Diane he was my best friend. It's easier to put on a smile even though you are destroyed inside. I'm sure as time goes on you will come out of your shell more. I don't know if it's a good thing or not but I have never been shy. Think it's because I deal with all those lorry drivers you can't be. Steve always said you could hear me at work before you could see me.

Take care

Michelle. X 

Hi Martin,

I have not had a drink either. I have thought about it many times. But like you say happiness is not at the end of a bottle. It took me 3 months to go back to bed. Not because Steve passed away there but because it was so quiet. Even now I don't go up there every night but that's because I usually fall asleep on the sofa. I know in time I will not have that feeling of not been able to change things but at the moment my comfort is having everything as it was. 

As always take care

Michelle. X 

Hi Michelle 

my niece rehomed my the dogs for me and took all of Diane cloths away to help me 

sleeping I spent months cuddling up with the pillows if you think you are mad you are not it’s normal our flat has everything in it’s normal like before except I painted some rooms  I always wanted a pink bathroom because it’s a warm colour so I painted pink lol  you will learn to sleep 

having a routine helps ive been out home now eating a big bar of chocolate should not of brought 

I’m very chatty with the customers at work And you are easier to talk to 

did he use to take you to the truckfest And I always tell you to take care and look after yourself 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin, 

It's a shame you had to re-home your dog's. I still have all Steve's clothes here I'm not ready for that yet. I find it a comfort having everything as it was. I did have a cushion made from his dressing gown so when I feel low I cuddle that. Chocolate always helps. I would rather eat chocolate than a proper meal. Yes we used to go to Peterborough and Norwich. The company he worked for only a small company used to take all the trucks there. I loved sleeping in the truck all weekend. Peterborough was delayed this year but I went with my son and his girlfriend. We also used to go and watch the truck racing at snetterton. I went there again with my son in September. Sounds crazy but I really am a truck but.

Take care

Michelle. X

Hi Michelle 

you have diesel in vains some people love trucks or hate them convoy is a good film better than smokey and the bandit 

have not been to truck fest for years show truck up there up over thirty years ago 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin, convoy has got to be one of my all time favourites. Yes perhaps I have. More so now than ever. It always surprised Steve how I loved them. Didn't bother me getting stuck in and cleaning his truck. I loved going out with him for the day when I wasn't working. Funny how the simple things in life we miss the most.

Take care

Michelle. X

Hi Michelle 

it’s like this a truck is like a women you look after the truck it take care of you so you look after you women she take care of you Strange as it sounds

I miss are holidays we both us to work hard and have two holidays a year sometimes one was a cruise the other was a fishing holiday to Melton Mowbray we use to stay in log cabin yes I like fishing too but we could chill out 

so simple things in life are good and you do miss them 

take care 

martin x